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You've been popping up in my dreams as of late. I just want to forget about you but I can't. I wanna sleep in a meadow of weeping lilies and just forget... forget... it... all... In my last dream you thanked me for giving up on you and you told me it was the best thing that ever happened to you. I silently simultaneously smiling and crying. I don't know if thats a memory of you or if it was my subconscious reminding me that it was I who let you go. I dream't of your soft and slender hands wrapped around mine. finger nails painted; two tone colours of silver and light blue. The intoxicating smell of rosemary.

I was at a family friend's place for thanksgiving and I was triggered when I was washing my hands at their bathroom. The same scent flooded my memories of that night. You had just gotten out of the shower. I was waiting for you in your bed room. We slow danced. You played guitar for a bit when your beauty encapsulated me. I let my carnal desires envelop me as I held your chin. Kissed you softly as your back leaned against the wall, guitar still in between us. you place down the instrument to the side as I undo the buttons of your shirt. We're going at this way too fast but I want you so badly.

I can't finish this entry, it's too painful to remember the things that happened next. I wish I could take it back. I wish we have never met. I wish I just died and be buried alongside my grandfather that day.

- A.A.M