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Obvious tears//Andpleasesee-thebleedingheartperchedonmyshirt |
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Today was one of those days that was slow like the thick summer heat, filled to the brim with humidity, not letting a single breeze push its way through and brush against my face, wakening my senses.
I yearned for something to happen. For me to go out and do something. This is summer! THE summer where things were to happen, shape my life, a time I'd remember all my life.
But maybe I'd had that summer already.
Last summer.
The most memorable thing about last it was...
You.
I Met you here, on Gaia, just after I had become a regular at Tokle's thread, and before I named the Chicklettes, the Chicklettes.
We talked.
I felt...good. Better than good. It felt really great to talk to someone who...I dunno. Got me? I dunno what it is that makes you special. You just are. So we talked for three days. (Those three days are some of the best days of my life.)
Then you told me you had a crush on me. I said I had the same feeling.
Good.
Great.
Fantastic.
Extraordinary.
Except...
Except there's always a but.
But...you dropped the "IthinkImaybegayandIdontknowwhatImdoingrightnowandImreallyconfuzed" bomb on me.
And I was fine with that. I really really was. I still liked you, but if you thought you were gay, then I didn't mind helping you through your whole ordeal and to just be your friend. No biggie.
What kinda hurt was when you claimed to be gay and went out with those girls.
What hurt was when you always came to me, complaining about this and that, and never once asking me how I was doing.
But I kept my mouth shut. I didn't say anything. (sure, I had one outburst, but I didn't want to make you sad, so I didn't reveal anything.)
But what hurt. What REALLY really hurt, was that you slowly (but surely) stopped talking to me.
I don't know why. If I did, I'd try to fix the whole thing. I want to talk to you about it, but I'm too afraid to, or I don't know when to. If you're in a really good mood, I don't want to bring you down. If you're in a bad mood, I don't want to make you feel even shittier. On one hand, I don't want you to feel bad when I tell you, but on the other hand, I hope you do, because if you don't, then that'll mean you really don't care about me.
So here's the plan;
The next time you post a bulletin in MySpace saying that you're in such a good mood, and you want to know how everyone who gets this REALLY feels about you, I won't read it through and not do anything, like I usually do.
The next time I see one, I'll read it, and click on "Reply to Poster", and I'll tell you what's really on my mind. I've always wanted to, secretly, I just never knew what unseen force was stopping me from doing so.
If you read this, then...I hope you'll post one of those "I'm ready to hear anything, good or bad, you have to say about me" bulletins on MySpace. You may know what I have to say, but I want to say it anyway to you, directly. I want to let you know that if you read my reply, and don't do anything for a week, then I'll know that I won't be friends with you for as long as I'd hoped, and that you were lying to me when you told me you'd still talk to me long enough to come in three years, and take me away from here. I know I shouldn't have believed you, but right then, you were the biggest hope I'd had. You were all I had to cling to.
PS: I'm being totally honest here, so;
I don't think I love you anymore. Not like I used to. Right now, I love you like a friend, concerned about another friend. But it took me pretty much a year to figure that out, so I hope you have the balls to at least tell me you've read this. It took me a little spare time, some moping, hours of thinking, and a helluva lot of courage to type this all out. Be a gentleman for once and talk to me seriously about it? Plzkthnx.
PPS: Sorry to everyone else who is reading this. Looking at the scroll bar on the side of this box, I'm guessing this is a much longer post than I realized. I hope I didn't waste your time, though I kinda have the feeling I will. Donthatemeplease?kkthnx. This post was mainly just for me. To finally write my thoughts out.
Writing things out means that what's happening is real, which I think is one of the reasons I've never really talked or written about anything really serious about myself. I guess I just didn't want all the horrible things to be true.
Anyway.
I'm blabbering.
Not making much sense.
Please excuse; When I'm on an emotional rampage, I tend to write things out and not alow myself to backspace, or look back on what I've just written. Stupid rule.
 Black_Jaguar · Wed Jun 28, 2006 @ 02:33am · 1 Comments |
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Don't switch the blade on the guy in the shades, don't masqu |
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Won't you lay on down, let my face be your mirror, c'mon let |
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Piccy update from yours truly!!! blaugh xd
Nevermind that. xd Go to next entry for piccy update-- these pics were stretching the page, and it was really annoying me. xp
Black_Jaguar · Thu Dec 08, 2005 @ 02:30pm · 1 Comments |
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Hey you, always on the run gotta slow it down baby, gotta ha |
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LAULE!!! *listening to Spice Girls- Stop With BECCASSSSSSS!!! 4laugh
Rebecca: Yay! We're listening to the Spice Girls!! This is so old! xd
Lilian: =_=
Rebecca and Lilian: *doing the dance moves* xd xd xd xd xd
Black_Jaguar · Sat Nov 26, 2005 @ 01:05am · 0 Comments |
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I I I am falling down, try and stop me, feels so good to hit |
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<333 I ish muy happy...
sweatdrop I forgot to say that my mom is going to let me have a friend over next Friday, since I won't have school 'cause the teachers are going to be on stirke.
YES YES AND THRIPLE YESSSSSSSSSS!!! whee sweatdrop
mrgreen And she can sleepover!!!
I'm real happy 'cause usually my mom doesn't let me have friends over readily since she's kind of a clean freak...
Not that I told you or anything. =_=
Anyways!!!!
It's also snowing. eek Everything is white. gonk Godamnit!!! crying It may be pretty n all, but thursday, when I was waiting at my bus stop, this giant grey cloud past over (quite slowly) and then these...these. HALE STONE started...ATTACKING ME!!!
...
Let me tell you, it wasn't pleasant. D:
crying There's no little housy thing that protects you from snow or anything at this bus stop. It's just this metal stick that says; 14.
Anyways...I'm gonna go answer some PMs now. xp They're starting to really stack up. sweatdrop xp
Black_Jaguar · Sat Nov 19, 2005 @ 12:38pm · 0 Comments |
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I am back when I heard thunder, but I'm down to one last bre |
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But an 'X' in the places that refer to you. <333
Would you ever...
[] give me your number?
[] kiss me?
[] let me kiss you?
[] watch a movie with me?
[] take me out to dinner?
[] drive me somewhere?
[] cut some rug with me?
[] take a shower with me?
[] be my bf/gf?
[] have a fling with me?
[] buy me a drink?
[] take me home for the night?
[] let me sleep in your bed?
[] sing car karaoke w/ me?
[] sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
[] re-post this for me to answer your questions?
[] give me a piggyback ride?
[] come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?
Do you...
[] think I'm cute?
[] want to kiss me?
[] want to cuddle with me?
[] want to hook up with me?
ARE WE...
[] aquaintances?
[] friends?
[] in a relationship?
[] gonna have kids?
Am I...
[] smart?
[] cute?
[] funny?
[] cool?
Have you ever...
[] thought about me?
[] thought there might be an "us"?
[] thought about hooking up with me?
[] found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
[] wished I was there?
Are you...
[] done with this survey?
[] happy you know me?
[] mad at me?
[] thinking about me?
[] going to repost this so that I will return the favor?
Black_Jaguar · Fri Nov 18, 2005 @ 10:30pm · 4 Comments |
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The waves keep on crashing on for some reason and your love |
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YAYYYYYYYYYY!!! <333
I'm in an uber happy mood 'cause I did my english oral today, and it totally ROCKED!!!! blaugh I feel like doing it again. whee
And I got 85% in gym, even though I normally suck in PE, but this term we did vollyball which I freakin ROCK AT!!! xd
And I got 82% in math. cool Hell's yeah.
OOH!!! And I'm getting my *lame-o* class to get more involved, and we're going to make totally RAD shirts, (custom o'course) blaugh I'm just in an uber happy mood- SKEEEEEEEEEEE!!! xd
All that's missing is a lil watermelon juice and a boyfriend.
But who needs to worry about that!?!?!?
Not me. cool
Wewt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whee xd xd xd mrgreen
Black_Jaguar · Fri Nov 18, 2005 @ 10:15pm · 0 Comments |
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Don't get me wrong I love you, but does that mean I have to |
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LMAO!!! I was looking for the delivery number for KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken- PFK in french) when I came across this site...it was so funny, I had to quote it. xd It's all about wheelies and motorcycles stuff. Here it is. razz
***It is important to know that "THE BOY" was being accused of popping a wheelie near the KFC restaurant. The quotes are from what had been said in court.
Wheelie Site LE GARS mr. juge. je venais de sortir du kentucky fried chicken et javais les mains toute graisseuse. quand jai donne un coup de gas en shiftant entre la 1ere et la 2ieme vitesse, la poigne de clutch a glisse de mes mains et la roue d'en avant a leve dans pour faire un wheelie. ce n'etait pas volontaire. cetait un accident. aussitot que la roue etait dans les aire, jai lache le gas afin que ma roue retombe par terre LE JUGE jeune homme. vous m'avez tellement fait rire que je vous laisse gagner votre cause. bonne fin de journee et faite attention sur la route. la prochaine fois je ne serais peut etre pas de la meme humeur.
And for all of you out there who don't know how to read french;
Quote: THE BOY Mr.Judge. I had just come out of a kentucky fried chicken restaurant and my hands will all greasy. When I gave changed from 1st to 2nd gear, the clutch slid in my hands and the front wheel lifted up to do a wheelie. It wasn't voluntary, it was an accident. As soon as the wheel was in the air, I turned off the engin so that the wheel would fall back down to the ground. THE JUDGE Young man. You have made me laugh so much that I will let you go. Have a nice day and be careful on the road. The next time I may not be in such a good mood.
xd Funny eh!?!? Got me crackalackin. xd And not in the way from Madagascar. rolleyes xd
Black_Jaguar · Tue Nov 08, 2005 @ 10:59pm · 0 Comments |
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Objection, I don't wanna be the exception, to get a bit of y |
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Wehey!!! <3 I'm back with another pic-- of one of my girlfriends and I! ^^
We're in the girl's bathroom of our gym (since it was just after phys.ed.) and we were messing around with another girlfriend's camera phone. xd Anyways, the girl in the back of me (with the blue shirt) is actually one of the shortest girls in my class. So why does she look so tall? (since I'm the tallest girl in my year. razz ) Because she's standing on a stool! blaugh Fun times~
Black_Jaguar · Mon Oct 10, 2005 @ 08:06pm · 8 Comments |
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