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Reading over my old journals here is kind of crazy lol. Realizing how immature you were and how far you have come as a person. The fact that at one point in my life, I was an attention whore. xD Just WOW I am the exact opposite now. I am so introverted it's not even funny. Even some of my best friends don't talk to me outside of DnD night unless they drag me out.

Total Value: 658,495 Gold
[Item Information]

Item List:
Lemon Sparkle Empire Dress
Carol of Ol' Nick 3rd gen.
Lovely Genie Gold Pointed Slippers
Egyptian Gold Anklet (right)
Egyptian Gold Anklet (left)
Nartian Rock
Lovely Genie Orange Headpiece
Chuchip's Blessing
Biancamella 2nd Gen



Total Value: 2,175,793 Gold
[Item Information]

Item List:
Reve Rouille 6th Gen.
Cupid's Crown
Labu Necklace
Picolitrosso's Urn 7th Gen.
Oisin's Blessing
Bloody Mary Mistress High Heels
Raider Shih's Garment
Picolitrosso's Urn
Wed to Darkness
Devoted Pawn
Kanoko's Dark Reflection
Street Fighter IV Megapack



Total Value: 2,482,469 Gold
[Item Information]

Item List:
À la Fondue
Otami Jewelry
Gogh Reed 11th Gen.
Gogh Reed
Padmavati's Lotus 7th Gen.
Jack's Bat Clip
Orange And Yellow Reversible Bracelets
Fremere's Guard 6th Gen.
Pumpkin Spice Mistress High Heels
Jack'd Skirt 2k6
Picolitrosso's Urn 7th Gen.
Nice Style For Work

That about sums up how I feel right now. I dont know what hurts more. Losing my best friend and lover or that he just let me leave. That he always just lets me leave. "if you think its best."

No "But I love so much." or "Can't we compromise." Just oblivious acceptance. Yet somehow still finds that he can say he hasn't rejected me.

So many people keep telling me "you gotta just tell a man strait up what you want."

BULLSHIT!

I believe wholeheartedly in communication. But there are just some things you CANT tell a man to do and it have the same meaning.

Just thought I would thank a few people who helped me out with the recent hacking issue I had with this account.

First of all the Admin who took care of everything Sandokiri. You have no idea how much I love you for how quick you got my account back in order! So many horror storys were told to me about peoples hacking issues I was starting to wonder if I had any hope.

Second Gaidin. My gaian father and one of my very best online friends. I am so glad that we have gotten back in touch with each other regularly. I'm sure I am annoying sometimes with my pointless chatter on msn =P I love that you deal with it so calmly. pirate THANK YOU for mentioning my accounts name switch. If I had not had your sharp eye to catch that I doubt I would have even know until I was to late to do anything about it. ILU!

Lastly my Hacker. Thank you for bringing me back to gaia and renewing my interest. I just have one question. WTF were you hacking on Christmas Eve for? Thats kind of sad but whatever. I'm back though as you can see and hopefully you have been banned. =D

Click here to feed me a Rare Candy!
Get your own at PokePlushies!

Click here to feed me a Rare Candy!
Get your own at PokePlushies!

Got to talk to Nick tonight on the phone. 4laugh I cant describe how good it felt to just hear his voice even if he did talk a bit to low ;>.> and had to repeate himself over and over again. sweatdrop I feel stupid for letting myself even for a second doubt how I felt. Everything just felt right for the first time in a long time. Hearing that warm voice of his. It made my hands shake. I wandered paceing because i couldnt keep still at first. My heart felt like it was about to burst. heart I need to remember that voice next time I feel down because my insecuritys are pushing at me again. Remember the reason why he doesnt do the things he used to. I hate to admit it but he just might be right when he says he loves me more than I love him. 4laugh Not a bad thing however. I pray we make it.


I missed you so much love. heart heart Not the way you think, I missed the knowledge that we fit and hope. Knowing that it will be ok if we can only make it over the distance to each other.

OK i thought i would put my christmas list here since it seems i can make up my mind. I'll list things i dont have that i want and havnt gotten the change to get myself. No one needs to get me anything but i know how annoying it is shopping for someone who only has minis and halos on there christmas lists. stare


Sealed Letters
Any of the hats on jazzkittehs wishlist
red hipster shades- jewelry store
Any of the new embroidered jeans- gambino outfitters
winter snowflake sweater- gambino outfitters whee Thanks Eyo and CC.
Red pimp skirt- gambino outfitters 4laugh Thanks Love even if it was the Skirt i wanted. whee
either color ruffled top- Duram depot
any kimono other than the inner fire or orchid heart - crate and apparel
Red hot upside down boots- 4laugh Thanks Love crate and apparel
emperior headress- crate and apparel
the school girl uniforms (not the univercity one) - H&R wesley

Zombie Labcoat. -not expecting but i am wanting it xp -

The Cat Carol

The cat wanted in to the warm warm house,
but no one would let the cat in
It was cold outside on Christmas Eve,
She meowed and meowed by the door.

The cat was not let in the warm warm house,
And her tiny cries were ignored.
'twas a blizzard now, the worst of the year,
There was no place for her to hide.

Just then a poor little mouse crept by,
He had lost his way in the snow.
He was on his last legs and was almost froze,
The cat lifted him with her paw.

She said "Poor mouse do not be afraid,
because this is Christmas Eve.
"On this freezing night we both need a friend,
"I won’t hurt you - stay by my side."

She dug a small hole in an icy drift,
This is where they would spent the night.
She curled herself 'round her helpless friend,
Protecting him from the cold.

Oooooo

When Santa came by near the end of the night,
the reindeer started to cry.
They found the cat lying there in the snow,
and they could see that she had died.

They lifted her up from the frozen ground,
and placed her into the sleigh.
It was then they saw the little mouse wrapped up,
she had kept him warm in her fur.

"Oh thank you Santa for finding us!
"Dear cat wake up we are saved!"
..."I’m sorry mouse but your friend has died,
there’s nothing more we can do.

"On Christmas Eve she gave you her life,
the greatest gift of them all."
Santa lifted her up into the night sky,
and laid her to rest among the stars.

"Dear mouse don’t cry you are not alone,
you will see your friend every year.
"Each Christmas a Cat Constellation will shine,
to remind us that her love’s still here."

Oooooooo


crying one of the saddest christmas songs i've ever heard. I think the radio has it out for me.

"When You Say You Love Me"

Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice and suddenly
I'm falling, lost in a dream.
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words and my heart stops beating.
I wonder what it means.
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move.
At times I can hardly breathe.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive

You're the one I've always thought of.
I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love.
You're where I belong.
And when you're with me if I close my eyes,
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time.
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth ,
And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive

[bridge:]
And this journey that we're on.
How far we've come and I celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
That's all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
In that moment,I know why I'm alive

When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?



I know i posted this song once before but i thought i would post it again. 3nodding Nick and I officaly consider it "our" song. whee