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Chapter 1: First Blood
There was just a blob at first
Then the giant Monkey inherited the earth
He created play-do
Play-do was then put into the giant Mold in the sky!
It created all beings
They could not move, so the wonderful, powerful monkey gave them muscles
And it was cool
The first creatures to have complete power were the men
In modern day North America
Then came the almighty chickens with laser beams!
The first leader of men was “Slick Jimmy”
He was deceitful, but controlled the men with pretty bell-bottom pants
He gave them hypno-wristbands
But eventually one man
Bob
Saw through his disguise and
CUT HIS HAIR!
People in those days revered hair as we do revere television
So they made
Bob
Their new leader
And it was joyful
And everyone read comic books and ate potato chips for 10 years
But, when
Bob
Saw this laziness
He committed suicide
So men had to fend for themselves
Eventually they found gold
And loved it because it was shiny
So shiny.
And the blind were thrown into a pit because they could not see the shine
One blind man met a pig
The pig turned out to be a reincarnation of Toaster
Toaster is a great kisser
The pig kissed the blind man and said
“Follow me”
The blind man was also deaf though
So he wandered
Aimlessly
Until he found the end of the world
And just as he was about to fall off
The Monkey appeared
And sprayed him with holy deodorant
That he was allergic to
And the blind man’s last words were
“My cow has run over a bridge
But there’s no man to fetch it”
So the monkey,
Ashamed for what he had done
Became a recluse and hid in the center of the earth.
And melted
Creating lava
Meanwhile
On ground
Man had discovered fire
And cigarettes
When a man spontaneously combusted
Near a tobacco bush
Then
A nearby camel
Named Joe
Became addicted, and died of
A brain tumor
At his funeral there was a Frenchman
From France
Who drove a hearse
From France!
And created the cemetery stone with fine marble
From France!!!
Then the Frenchman took a vow
After seeing a dead man
To protect and serve
And he passed that vow unto his son
And his son passed it unto HIS son
Etcetera
Etcetera
Eventually starting the French Protection Agency!
So whenever a bomb went off
They would be the first ones to invent Band-aids
To help the physically impaired
AKA
Dudes with limbs and crap blown off
Soon people started dying
And they needed a place to go
When you die
You still live your life as if you were alive until you realize that you have died
Then you either live in the land of the kissing Toaster
Or go and spend your life in the bowels of the great lava monkey
Dude




Chapter 2: Enhancement
The men needed a leader
And that leader should have been
Bob
But he committed suicide
Remember?
But then there was a woman named Kelly
Who was a natural leader
Of the D generation
And she was the first person to introduce pop music
With her band
“The Raging Hormones”
But no one liked her
Because her nose was the shape of a carrot
But there was one boy
Who was a snail
Named
Craiheelo
Who loved her
More then a cat loves a cheerleader
But she could never
Love him
Because marriage between species was forbidden
ON PENALTY OF RAG DOLL HAZING!
But she could not hold back her feelings any longer
So she and Mr. Craiheelo Joey Javaclu
Got married on Mt. Hammer
Where the laws of men
Or gravity
Don’t exist
So when they got back
They were thrown in with the blind people in the pit
And eventually contracted
Leprosy
And then
“Raging Hormones”
Pop sensation dash in the sun
Stopped
Suddenly
And they had to accept that
They were over
So they succumbed to a life of opening shows
For Green Day
But
Without pop music
Man’s society crumbled
And they were forced to rely on
DRUNKEN DANCE PARTEEEE! WHHOOOO!
To have fun
So the only thing that they did
For the next 170 years
Was go in the school gym
And get funky in the hizz-house
So in that time
Every dance ever invented
Was…invented…I guess…
Except for the funky-monkey, the mashed potato, and the disco
DISCO LIVES 4EVER!!!!!
But dancing
Could not provide enough sustenance
To raise a whole genus!
So they died of starvation
And then Toaster
(Who loved men more then he loves………SPEAKER BUDDHA-MAN!
* Insert wicked guitar solo with pounding bass line too, and lasers and dogs with machine guns and pretty girls riding on a flying pair of scissors here *)
Created the one thing that could save mankind.
Sehdufedsen!
Sehdufedsen is basically a fancy kind of crepe
That you can eat while dancing!
Hooray!
And mankind is saved by Toaster and
SPEAKER BUDDHA-MAN!!! * Insert wicked guitar solo with pounding bass line to, and lasers and dogs with machine guns and pretty girls riding on a flying pair of scissors here *

Oh yeah!
But then, the girls on scissors crashed into the dance hall
And it exploded!
So I guess this chapter should’ve been called “Dehancement”
Or something like that.

Chapter 3: Flying Chickens With Laser-Beams
Thus came the rise of cliques
Starting with
The jocks
With names like
Bob
Joe
Jack
Then the Goths
With names like
Agony
Misery
Jack
Then the popular people
With names like
Sissidy
Chastity
Jack
Then the emos
With names like
Jack
Jack
Jack
Soon,
The nerds came
With names like
Lyle
Clyde
Gene
But soon,
Rivalry formed
That soon ended in the bloodiest battle ever!!!
The jocks and the popular people became leaders
And made a truce
While the Goths brooded
And the emos cried
And the nerds did math
But soon
The dictatorship was overthrown
By the natural leaders of the universe
FLYING CHICKENS WITH LASER BEAMS!
They came up
And c**k-a-doodle-dooed
And clucked
Until they had fried everyone
To a crisp
Then came the weird kids
They thought of the one phrase
That could calm anyone
Human, or person
It was
Klaatu geduzecai lopin yetukreg jad pezou
And it made everyone feel peaceful
But soon
The chickens
Who were not affected by its magical workings
Decided it was a threat
And killed the phrase
So that anyone who spake it
Would accidentally
Have their tongues
Eaten
By crocodiles
And buried
In fire
And then the ashes
Would be fed to cannibals
Whose poop
Would flush out to the sea
And then the people with no tongues
Would spend their lives
As street mimes
Until
One day
The king of all chickens
Suffered a massive blow to the head
By the Goths
Who had nothing better to do
Then hit chickens
With razor blades
Thus
After the chicken king died
He fell unto a vat of boiling batter
Thus
The Goths feasted on him
And started “KFC”
Kahala fried chicken
Because
Kahala
Was the name for the North America
In those days
And soon
The Goths
Disappeared
And became
Pimply
Pubertious
Teen-agers
Who were always sweaty
And covered in grease
And the jocks
And popular people
Who were again in power
Banished them
To spend the rest of their lives cooking burgers
And most of their vocabulary was destroyed
Except for phrases
Like
“Super-sized?”
Or
“Do you want fries with that”?
But
Millions of years later
Goths returned to
*Ahem*
Power

Chapter 4: Welcome to the Jungle
At this time
There were no plants on earth
So the giant monkey
Gave the earth plants
For there was no oxygen before that
So people were always like, suffocating and stuff
But when trees sprouted,
Man was afraid to enter it
Except for the bold “protagonists”
The group of people
Who devoted themselves to helping others
In return for eternal fame
So
They entered the forest
And made houses
And listened to jam bands all day
Until something came out of the forest
‘Twas a monster!
Dripping fangs
Green, pimply skin
Face in the shape of a deformed truck tire
And all the “protagonists”
Came out
To face it
But
It killed them all
So others had to fight it
But everyone was to scared to enter the forest
Because they had all seen
That jungle scene in
“King Kong”
And knew things
Terrible things
But one man
Name was Jesucaiahjotgaz
Entered the forest
Because his dog had escaped into it
And he found his dog’s corpse
And the monster drooling over it
And that made him so mad
That he slayed the monster with a flick of the wrist
And a match
And a gallon of gasoline
That he conveniently carried around
After that,
He skinned the monster
And made a castle in the jungle
And the monster was the carpet
He made a crown for himself
Out of gold
That he found
Sticking out of the ground
And he made himself
Self-appointed king
And suddenly
He was blessed
With the power
To control the jungle
And changed his name to “Na~ture”
Which was Kahalien for
“Jungle king”
And married a beautiful woman named
Muthere
And Muthere Na~ture
Became the omnipresent queen of
All jungles
And her husband
Slowly faded out of popularity
Until he was a shrively
Worm-man
Who had a nanny to take care of him.
But soon
Muthere
Grew weary of him
And slayed him
By slitting his throat
While he was breaking his fast
But she was never caught
For at the time
She was popular for her invention of
3-D glasses
Which got people so distracted
That they didn’t notice
That SHE was the one sneaking into their house
And stealing their life savings
That little evil woman
Thought that she would never be caught
And…
She wasn’t…
I guess….
God that sucks!!!
She also killed two people
And yet
She was credited as
THE MOST GENOROUS PERSON IN THE WHOLE FREAKIN’ WORLD!!!
But I guess she did lead man into the forest
With her rugged good looks
And that did lead to some
Advancements

Chapter 5: The advancements mentioned in the last chapter OR Schools in!
So
The Kahala
Was divided into two sections
Jungle
And
Plain
And all was at peace
Except
The kids were dumb
In fact
EVERYONE WAS DUMB!
So one man
Named
Alberto Eenstin
Created a simple math concept
And decided
To teach it too the world
He also developed an algorithm
For writing
And architecture
So
With that knowledge
He was the smartest man on earth
Well
His
I.Q. was 70
Points lower than
Stephen Hawking’s
But
Stephen Hawking
Didn’t exist back then
But
Alberto
Created
The one thing
That would bring together children
And called it
Schkool
Pronounced with the Yiddish
Hocking thing
And thought that everyone would love it
And divided it into periods
1. Math
2. Writing
3. Cultural dance
4. Obeying authority and how it helps humanity
5. Recess
So they had a shorter schkool day than we
But
Unfortunately
The schkool was built half in the forest
And half in the plains
This caused much of a ruckus
Who would be the king?
This caused everyone to argue
And indefinitely
It led to a battle
* Ahem *
War
Alberto thought he should be king
But he was classified as a “nerd”
So he didn’t fight in the war
Muthere and the popular and the jocks got in a big fight
But soon
The jocks sensed that they were being taken for fools
By the popular people
So they ignored Muthere
And her natural army
(Like trees, venus fly traps and animals)
And faced the popular people
Soon, the king of the jocks
Mike
Came out
His sword was sharp and ready
It slew many a warriors
And so did the queen of the popular people
Britney
Who used gymnastics to kill
And soon
They faced each other
And decided to have a “mano a womano”
Fight
The sword was drawn
Britney got her feet and hands ready
And soon they were off
Biff!
Pow!
Whack!
Soon
Britney had no arms or legs to fight with
So she lay in a heap
Crying
Saying “I was this close!!! @#%$%^*&32~!!!
And then
Out of nowhere
A large tree limb shot through
Mike’s heart
So all the soldiers
Popular or jock
Saw the real enemy
Muthere
And faced her
Limbs were cut
Bees and wolves were slaughtered
And yet
Muthere remained powerful
And just ere all hope looked bleak
A sight appeared in the sky
It was the Goths!
Solemn they flew
On bareback flying horses of the apocalypse
To reign down doom on Muthere
But still
Muthere stood steady
Arms out forward
She was ready
And she killed
But the Goths
Kept coming
In waves
And soon
Their arrows of depression
Finally made Muthere
Retreat
And soon the jocks and populars and Goths that were still alive met in a meeting
But still
They argued
When suddenly
Outside
A rock smashed through the meetinghouse
They all rushed to the window
And saw a child who said
“Actually you royal pigs, we kids will always rule the school
Nothing you decree can change that.
But, Alberto Eentstin
Is our advisor
So we are much like a government”
And the rulers of the plains thought that this was fair
And the Goths
Who won the war because there was nothing better to do
Retreated
And all was fair again
And the school was ever guarded by a legion of Jocks.

Chapter 6: Where’s the beef?
It happened
That one day
A slab of beef fell into the bile of
SPEAKER BUDDHA-MAN!!! * Insert wicked guitar solo with pounding bass line to, and lasers and dogs with machine guns and pretty girls riding on a flying pair of scissors here *
Which made him blessed
And alive!!!
He soon figured out that
Life sucks
But you gotta make the most of it
So
He wrote the song
“You Can’t Always Get What You Want”
And
Sold the rights to “The Beatles”
Who sold the rights to “The Monkees”
Who sold the rights to “Guns n’ Roses”
Who sold the rights to a very young “Sir Mix-A-Lot”
Who sold the rights to Mick Jagger
And that’s the story of how a song is created
Wait…
BACK TO THE BEEF!!
Soon he had a cult following
Like… A CULT!
Not them bootsy Breakfast Club, Tim Burton cult followings
But a cult
Who worshipped him
While…ummm… I don’t know if I should say this
Well, what the hey
COMMITTING MASS MURDER!!!!!!
Yup, that cult was the number 1 cause of death
And they used their slabs of
* Ahem *
Beef
To sacrifice their god
Patty Beef
(which was his name)
Although
He didn’t really like them
So he killed the cult
By starting a rumor that they were fans of broiled broccoli
So they were mocked and ridiculed
So they went out to seek revenge
They formed they LOC
The Leigon Of Cults
Led by the evil
DR. CANTAKEROUS!

And they set out to destroy Patty Beef
But
Patty Beef still loved them
Because he had a tender soul
And he WAS tender
* Drool *
Umm… I’m gonna go eat a 10 pound beef…item
G’BYE!
.
.
.
‘K I’m back!
So
The LOC
Finally realized that
He was beef!
They could just eat him!
So they went to his house
With tarter sauce
But he saw them coming up the driveway
So he went out
And ran out to Barbados
So no one could ever find him
But soon
The cook at Barbados
Took up a spork
And slew Patty Beef
When he realized what he had done
He started up a conspiracy to hide the corpse
And changed his name to William Mark Felt
But soon two plucky reporters discovered the conspiracy
Their names were Bob and Carl
Wait… That’s another story, never mind, anyway
What really happened, was the cook fed him to a hungry, hungry hippo
And made a shrine to him in the back room
The cooks name was Jacob
And, soon, he moved to the land of Bethlehem
And married
His wife cheated on him
With
* Ahem *
“God”
And had a kid
Named Jeez
But as soon as he turned 18
He changed it to Jesus

Chapter 7: Jesus Christ!
On December 31, 1 B.C.
A man was born
In that little town of Beth-le-hem
His name was
BENOIT!!!!
When he was one year old
A couple kings
And some angels
Stayed at his house
And said
“Your son will NOT be king of the Jews!”
So his parents abandoned him
And he was raised by the tough streets
And no good Samaritans would pick him up
Then one day
He was walking down the street
Singing Doo-wa-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy-doo
And he saw a kid
And he said
“ ‘ey!! You!! What’s your name”
“Jeez, sir”
“What you callin’ me ‘sir’ for boy”
“I don’t know, just the way my poppy taught me.”
“Who’s yo’ poppy boy?”
“Jacob…no wait-“
“Shut up!”
“I’m sorry.”
“It okay. Y’know what? I’m gonna’ take you under my wing, y’dig?”
“I think so.”
And that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Then,
One day
When Jesus (he had changed his name)
Was having one of his rallies
Benoit met a guy named Judas
And they also became the best of friends
THEN
He met Mary Magdalene
Who was getting her portrait carved into a cheese sandwich
And they quickly fell in love
And expressed it through a variety of Broadway showtunes
“Mary, I’ve just met a girl named Mary, and suddenly that name, will never be the same,”
And others
Then
At the last supper
Just as Leonardo Da Vinci Was making them pose for his portrait
He dropped the bread and wine
And he had to pick it up
So he wasn’t in the picture
And then
Jesus said
“The person who will betray me
Sits at this table here”
And Benoit thought
“Phew. Good thing I am on the floor”
The next day
Benoit met up with Judas
Who was on his way to the Gardens of Gethsemane
And Benoit said
“Hey Jude”
But Judas just kept walking
Then
Benoit got the terrible news
Jesus was arrested!
“Oh no!”
He said to himself
“I never taught him how to cheat at poker!”
Then, at the next Passover
Pilate gave people a choice
Jesus Christ or Jesus Barabbas
And when the people chose to free Barabbas
All thirteen apostles put the escape plan into action
But just as he was supposed to let a distraction
Benoit tripped and was knocked unconscious
And ruined the whole thing
And he was crying behind the cross that Jesus was on
“My god, my god, why have you forsaken me?”
He yelled
“NOOOOOOOOO!”
He said
“Jesus! Only the good die young!”
Then
All the other disciples were sad
So
Benoit decided to rescue Jesus and give him a proper burial
So
On the third day after his death
Benoit gathered all the disciples
And they moved the rock covering the chamber
But found
He was missing!
So Benoit
Feeling his life was unfulfilled
Became a recluse
And gave sermons from his house
Which were rants
But then
One day
This monkey knocked on his door
And he becameth unconscious
When he came to
He found that the sermons he gave were intelligible and comprehensible
And about things like monkeys in the sky and hypno-wristbands and “The Raging Hormones”
And people actually believed him!
And thus,
Benoicy
Was created
But soon
The government became wise to him
So he had to flee
Back to where this story began!
He was the first foreigner to go to America

Chapter 8: The Saga of Benoit
So
Benoit came to America
On his boat
Which was made of a wooden wheel
That he balanced on
And when he was hungry
He would eat a bit of the wood from the wheel
So imagine his surprise
When he came up on shore
And found a forest
Some say he ate a whole tree
Then
A little kid came up to him
And led him to the school
Where Alberto’s Great-great-great grandson
Grooby
Was the principal
And Grooby was very strict
So he immediately took Benoit to the legion of leaders
Or LOL
Who took great time talking to him
Then
They realized that he was a crackpot
So they stuck him in a madhouse
Soon
He tricked his way out
By dating one of the nurses
And decided he needed to be on the LOL
So he kidnapped the leader of the jocks
And forced him to make him a member of the LOL
As a foreign ambassador
But soon
He feared that the others were taking advantage of him
So
Using blackmail, kidnappings and slumber parties (?)
He forced his way to the top
Becoming the LOLOL
Or
The leader of the legion of leaders
And made the land of Kahala
A better place
He then begat two children
Imniek and Caladoh
Soon
Muthere’s Great-great-great-granddaughter
Saw through his trickery
And kidnapped him
And tied him to the top of a mountain
Where vultures ate his hair
Soon he escaped
And rolled off the mountain
And when he told the LOL what had happened
They murdered all of Muthere’s relatives
Then
After ruling the world of Kahala for many years
He looked into the distance and saw the forest shaking
With unnatural powers
So
He ventured in
With his two sons
A couple miles in
Caladoh disappeared
But
When searching for him
They saw him for a few quick seconds
Then he disappeared again
But then
Benoit got caught on a stump
He looked at the stump
And saw Caladoh with a branch poking through his stomach
Then tons of branches
Rising from the distance
For the forest
Without rule
Was in constant disarray
So
The LOL
Confined the nerds to the forest
And the nerds
Used it to write stories
And they eventually left the forest
But the ones who stayed
Eventually learned archery
Became lean and tall
And had pointy ears
And changed their names to Elves
And were a violent folk
And they killed Caladoh
But Benoit
Was revered
As he had brought upon peace to Kahala
So he was not killed
He mourned
And then
He took a journey
And disappeared
And they found his body
Peacefully floating
With a crown of flowers
And birds
Singing around him
So he floats
And his funeral
Was huge
For all Kahaliens were invited
And all disciples came
And it was a great morning
But then
The sky clouded
And the rain turned to Mountain Dew
And it stung
And people stood
Writhing in pain
As the coffin erupted
And a conflagration appeared
And lava spilt wistway and westway
Destroying all in sight
And as the last ember fell
All of the world was put to flame
For 30 seconds
And as people stood there
Fire burning them
A thundercloud appeared
And the rain turned back to rain
As man stood and the brink of destruction
All was washed away and reborn in the blink of an eye
All had forgotten what had happened
And life went on
Without him
People grieved
People triumphed from his death
But within 7 years
His memory was almost completely forgotten
Except for in his family

Chapter 9: Monstrous Regiment
Soon
Europe and Asia learned of America
And traveled there by boat
And when they met up with the Americans
They brought along a ditzy Spaniard named Kristoff
And Kristoff kidnapped many American natives
When the Goths heard of this
They got pissed
And attacked the foreigners
So did the jocks
And popular people
And unpopular people
And even nerds
And the forest people
It was war for a common cause
And
Of course
The Americans beat the small group of foreigners
But
The LOL decided that America needs a common cause
Mainly
War
So they named themselves
Oceania
And they named the enemy
Eurasia
And they warred many a time
Then
At World War -1,700
They switched and
Warred with Switzerland
Which was in undisputed area
Then, in WW -500
Which was a war over a patch of land called
Stinkton
There was a platoon
Called Platoon Troop Exa
And it was led by a leader
Named
Bob
He kept rankings
In the form of a blackboard
If you did well, he wrote your name at the top
If you did bad
He wrote your name at the bottom
The person who stayed at the bottom
For three weeks
Would suddenly disappear
Never to be seen again
Now
There was one guy
Named Toby
Who was always almost Number One
Usually Number Two or Three
But
He HATED the system
Every night
After dinner
He would go to sleep
And even in his sleep
He would yell
“Arbitrary! It’s all arbitrary!”
And when he awoke
He would still inform everyone that none of it mattered
Then
Bob
Learned of his exploits
And when Toby approached
Bob
And asked what happened to the bottom people
Bob
Replied that they go to a special training facility
So Toby decided to go to that training facility
So
He did everything horribly
He shot platoon mates in the legs
He made passes at Bob
And he even committed treason by meeting with citizens of Stinkton
So
Finally,
Bob
Sent Toby to meet with him
“Mr. Anderson”
Said Bob
“We meet again. It seems that… you have been behaving poorly. As you can tell… this, cannot go unpunished. In the past seven weeks, you have dropped to the… bottom of my society of ranking.
This is your last day… but there is one way to get out of it. The one thing… I would like to see you do the most. Do one hundred push-ups… with one arm… and beg while doing it.”
So Toby did
With one arm he did push-ups
With the other
He was pointing the middle finger into Bob’s face
After the task was done
Bob said this
“Mr. Anderson… I would have found that exemplary… if not for that one finger. Now… I pity you. You are to be sent to the training facility at once.”
After that remark
Bob opened his desk
And pulled out a bow and arrows
Toby asked why he was doing that
Bob replied
“Mr. Anderson… allow me to be frank. I find that… to kill… one must have experienced death himself”
“You’re gonna’ shoot my family?!!”
Asked Toby
“No,” said Bob
“Mr. Anderson… you don’t comprehend. I’m talking about experiencing it. You see… the training facility is a euphemism for death.”
Snap
Thud
Sunday morning
See a corpse there, oozing life
There’s someone dodge ‘round the
corner
Is that someone, Bob the knife?
Soon, Bob was caught
But he had spread his word to many followers
Including half-crazed people
Who went mad after doing the push-ups
So
While Bob’s legacy continues
Toby
The rebel
Was eliminated
And never heard of again
Eventually
A powerful man named
Alecks
Saw through the disguises and told Bob
“Y’know, I think, to be a commanding officer, you ought to go through the same training process as your students”
Snap
Thud
Bob died
So,
Alecks
Was revered
As we do revere television
And was elected ruler of Oceania
As his first act as ruler
He changed the countries name to
America
A name that would live in legacy
And corruption
For the next million years
And beyond
But
Alecks
Realized that war was too complicated
And since there were about seven going on at the same time
He committed suicide
And soon
People forgot his name and called him
Bill Henri Sonofharris
And his second-in-command
Turkeyman
Became the ruler

Chapter 10: Boys drool, Rulers Rule
As the rise of constant wars continued
The cliques were abolished
For many a decade
As for the rulers
After Alecks
Turkeyman ruled
Turkeyman was his real name
He ruled America with an iron fist
And an iron chef
Anyone who misbehaved
Would be covered in batter and deep-fried
And sacrificed to their false god
Kthulu
As Turkeyman died
A new leader was elected
A leader named
Lil Frankee
Lil Frankee stopped wars
By retreating all the time
When Lil Frankee died
America was one little corner of modern America
The rest was surrounded by dry, barren desert posts set up by England or Spain
But the next leader was Splurge
Who was a sadist
He thrived by killing enemies
And once and for 1 month
The wars were over
But He kept picking fights
With Finland, Australia, Kazakhstan, France, Germany, Bhutan, Russia, New Zealand, Greece, Iraq, Denmark, Zanzibar, Ireland, Russia, Scotland, Stinkton, Canada, Brazil, Nigeria, Liberia, Siberia, and Texas
Then, in the newly-formed UN, he broke the final straw with every single one of those places
Except Texas
Who had a heart attack and died
Then Splurge suddenly had a heart attack and died
He had already said that his second in command, Standby Me, was going to be put to power
Unfortunately, this meant that he had 21 wars to deal with
The pressure was too much
He betrayed America
And was arrested for treason soon after
So America was left without a leader
And just before all 21 other nations were about to kill them
A black cloud rose over the sky
And the war was postponed
On account of rain
And everyone went to a bar together
And had a jolly good time
Lalala
And the next morning
They resumed war
But just before America was completely wiped out
Anarchy broke it in all the other 21 nations
And they retreated
And America
Grew back into its current size
And everything was fine and dandy
Like lemon candy
And high in space
A starbaby was born
And it grew up to be the giant spaceman Benoit
And it stretched around the entire universe
And beyond
(Beyond being the land of Non Sequitors) (Cow)
And that was nothing
And everything
And in 1877
A young man
Named Fredirique
(He was the second prophet of Benoicy
The first being Benoit himself)
Wrote down this story
And stuck it in a bottle
And sent it to me
And now I own all royalties
HAH!!
And now
America's history has become recorded
But one place hasn’t become recorded
And that place is
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AUSTRALIA!!