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I love you (For the Lulz you give me) |
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Y helo thar Gaia, lng tiem no c. Hwr u din'?
Seriously though, I haven't written in this damn thing since my first date with Regan, pretty long time ago. I'll tell you how things are goin' with her! Since that's what I last posted.
You ever love someone so much, you want to give them everything they ask for? Love someone so much, you'd die for them, you'd kill for them, you'd wait on them hand and foot. That's irrelevant.
You ever hate someone so much, you want to kill them, you wish you'd treated them the way they deserved to be treated, not the way you thought they should've been treated?
If you've answered yes to both of these problems you a) are in the same boat I am, or b) love someone, and hate someone else.
Regan and I broke up in January; she cheated on me but I thought, "hey, she's sorry, we can make it work," no, we couldn't, she broke up with me several days later saying, "I need some time to think". I lost it on her, yelled at her, and hung up on her, she deserved it after all. Well, for a bit we started gettin' back to the way we were before, till she decided to be a b***h and tell me what a lousy boyfriend I had been, (truthfully, I was great, bought her what she wanted, did her homework for her, I was her slave) and that she hated me. I told her to jump off a bridge as I didn't have time for a stupid little girl who thought she was the centre of the universe, and that everyone on the planet was her personal servant, created by god to take care of her every whim.
I'd guess that god made a few to take care of her physical needs; but I digress.
She called me up 'bout three weeks ago, told me she was sorry, that she hated her new boyfriend, she still thought of me as a bestfriend and that'd we'd start talking every day again. I said we wouldn't, and I was right. She dissapeared from my life again, as quickly as she had come. This made me furious, I was played again, I had given her a clean slate and had been ******** over, she deserved to die where she sat.
Well she apologized a week later, said she knew I didn't like apologies, but she got sidetracked, forgot to call me and thought I didn't want her to anymore anyway (this was a lie, I'm just her entertainment).
She pops online today, on MSN as a matter-o'-fact. We talk for a bit, and then she goes, actually, I'll quote it. "Okay. Welll, I don't want to talk to you.. Like, I want us to be friends, but I can't if you are going to be so negative about everything, and always say that I fail. Which to you, I pretty much do, but you keeep changing emotions. And It bothers me. Like, you've changed so much, and it wasn't for the better. And I just think, It'd be better if we didn't talk until something is different"
My reply: I'm sorry Regan, I didn't know it was so difficult for you when I was bein' nice to you, and tried callin' you as you asked me to, when I tried to get ahold of you to give you some advice after I found somethin' out. I guess I must be a bad person to feel angry after you say "I still think highly of you, I'll call you a lot" then don't. Yup, I must be going to hell. Of course I've changed, and for me, it is for the better. I refuse to let you walk on me, to treat me like dirt and manipulate me and use me when you're bored and in need of entertainment. Defending you from Panda, Sara and Rachael, was the biggest mistake I've ever made. 'Cause really, everythin' they've ever said 'bout you, anyone has ever said about you, has been true. I thought, "nah, I'll give her a clean slate, it'll be great, second chance at a friendship, yes~" Obviously, I'm blind as hell, when I thought you wanted to be friends for more than an idle mind. [/end]
That may have been a bit jerkish, but, eh. She deserved it, I've held back, I've tried to treat her good, but not anymore. I just regret one thing, I should've mind raped her like she deserved, I should've messed her up so badly, that she would've jumped off the bridge when I said to.
All and all, I still love Regan, simply for the lulz I get when she gets angry. "******** you", it's the greatest feeling to have someone unable to get angry at you, when they're tryin' their hardest to.
 Inugo · Sat Jun 09, 2007 @ 09:28pm · 2 Comments |
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