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Hard days made me, hard nights shaped me
I don’t know they somehow saved me
And I know I’m making something out of this life they called nothing
I take what I want
Take what I need
You say it’s wrong but it’s right for me
I won’t look down
Won’t say I’m sorry
I know that only God can judge me
And if I make it thru today will tomorrow be the same
Am I just running in place?
If I stubble and I fall
Should I get up and carry on or will it all just be the same
’cause, I’m young and hopeless
I’m lost and I know this
I’m going nowhere fast that’s what they say
I’m troublesome, I’ve fallen
I’m angry at my father
It’s me against this world and I don’t care, I don’t care
No one in this industry understands the life I lead
When I sing about my past it’s not a gimmick not an act
These critics and these trust fund kids
Try to tell me what punk is but when I see them on the streets
They got nothing to say
And if I make it thru today will tomorrow be the same
Am I just running in place?
If I stubble and I fall
Should I get up and carry on or will it all just be the same
’cause, I’m young and hopeless
I’m lost and I know this
I’m going nowhere fast that’s what they say
I’m troublesome, I’ve fallen
I’m angry at my father
It’s me against this world and I don’t care, I don’t care
’cause, I’m young and hopeless
I’m lost and I know this
I’m going nowhere fast that’s what they say
I’m troublesome, I’ve fallen
I’m angry at my father
It’s me against this world and I don’t care, I don’t care

It's now the end of half term... And I don't feel like I've rested at all. One of my best friends turned 16 on the 28th and he's got some kinda party happening and i wasnt invited crying How can i not be invited!? He's known me for like 10 years! Oh well. It's my birthday in a couple of weeks and i don't really plan on doing anything sweatdrop For a change. It's quite surprising really because I'm usually the first one to party. Meh. Oh well...

Angel has been having some problems at his end at the moment in finding a job and somewhere to stay. I can try and feel for him, although i've never really had to deal with that situation so i kinda just said... aww baby that sucks. Turns out he's paying rent now. Which is ok. As long as he's not out on the streets and he's safe then it's alright.

He's been sleeping alot lately. Which annoys me so much. I really was upset before. I phoned him.. as if to remind him that i was there. he phoned me back though and i was really touched because i didnt think he was going to. I nearly cried when he had to go like straight away. Even though it wasnt his fault. He again, phoned me back later on.

I guess sometimes i feel neglected because we dont speak as much as we used to. But that's selfish. And he's not done anything wrong... so i'm gonna cut him some slack

There's a song I was listening to
Up all night
There's a woice I'm hearing
Saying it's alright
When I'm happy I am sad
But its everything's good
It's not that complicated
I'm just misunderstood

I haven't written in here for... well... ages.
Partly because alot has happened and i don't really want to talk about it. But partly because no matter how hard i try to say it doesn't hurt. It really does. Everything seems to be spiralling out of control faster than i can pick up the pieces at this point in time and it scares me. Because when i can't pick up the pieces everything falls on my shoulders and i sink deeper and deeper into depression.

Kris came round last weekend. um... It didnt go too well. At all. I still cringe now and shall do forever. It's the only time i've ever been ashamed of Alan. The first time. He should of controlled his temper. I feel ashamed of myself for lying to Kris. He has done so much for me but what really hurts is he still understood. I told him. And he said ok. He said he understood why i did it. That i had said what everyone had wanted to hear to keep everyone happy. But it backfired. Me and him haven't been talking as much as we used to. Rules of my stepfather. And although i feel that me and him are too strong to split up over it i think that eventually we'll have nothing to say.

Me and Amy still arent friends. And i think that hurts more than anything in this world. How can you forget a connection so strong? She's confused. Half of her is telling her to commit suicide on her birthday. And half of her is scared. I know though. I know. If she wasn't so scared she'd do it. but she can't. She won't. I know it hurts her to be in this life. I'm her soul mate. I feel it too. I wish i could tell her what she wanted to here but i cant. She wants to hear a reason for living. and there is no reason to live. Be born, find a soulmate, die. And if she does go, if she does do it. I'll mourn for her, everyday of my life. But i'll love her as i always have done. I shall defend her against anyone. Even Kris. No one shall have a bad word to her name. Ever. I'm so proud of her. She's clever and bright and caring. But all she sees is the b***h.

I'm so lost.

Am i too lost to be saved?