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I hate personal essays, so here's this crap! |
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(I had to write an essay about my own personal monster that plauges me, and about how I counter it)
The Grendel that plagues me is purplish in color and smells vaguely like feet. I am talking about, of course, disorganization. Very rapid disorganization. I can clean my room, and, a week later, it’s a cesspit of papers, books, clothes, and other assorted floor items. Hiring a hamper helps this, but, unfortunately, my hamper often takes off for holiday. When this happens, I am forced to unsheathe my weapons and do battle with this purple entity of yelling foot odor.
My first weapon of choice glitters and glows with a blue hue, and is quite effective. After engaging it, I hunker down and embark on an hour-long journey of cleaning. This is quite effective, as I will eventually (eventually can be a half hour or four hours in this case) emerge victorious and dusted. This weapon of extreme concentration can often backfire, as I become absorbed in objects of old that I find amid the clutter and abandon my furious attack. I can usually manage to escape them or finish reading them (or throwing it into my fan, depending on its objectivity), however, so I only waste a few minutes or a half hour. So it would, in actuality, only sidefire.
Fire in the seat is the most widely-used weapon, though it is usually summoned unwillingly, or by something else. (That something often being an eternal face.) This method can drag on for hours, and often leads to another monster (humped and lemoned with a nasty metallic taste) known as stress. This humped and sweating beast is often more serious than the one it sprang from, and is unfortunately always over for tea. But back to the purple feet-beast. Though always effective, it results in poorer life fences cobbled together with long words and run-on sentences. It is also (ironically) my least-favorite weapon, as “fire in the seat” doesn’t rhyme with “enthusiastic.”
My third, most last-resorted weapon, (which resides in a flesh-colored unbox) is known as the anti-internet. It is also summoned unwillingly and unknowingly, often when Computerspace must send out soldiers to burn the plagues from the Internet. In these instances, disorganization is fought out of boredom, and only partially-buttocked. Because of this, it is the most useful when willingly summoned and fully-buttocked. Regardless of it’s summoning, it is still the most forced and grumpy weapon. It always yields a slightly mauled disorganization beast, and rarely conquers it completely. Thus, it is rarely drawn.
No matter what weapon I choose to bash its toes with, disorganization often comes back to plague me. It is as persistent in its visits and the scarlet cardinal and the screaming south-end spittoons. And most infuriating is the fact that it is married (and inbred) with procrastination. Together, these foul fuchsia foot-beast and loud rainbow laze-lamb set out to maul my GPA. I must always be ready, alert and armed for combat with these fiends, no matter how grand Utopian France is.
 noisebeast · Tue Jan 08, 2008 @ 02:23am · 1 Comments |
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