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So cheaply won, all things belonging to me. As always, the price is paid by others. Ah, god. I feel like a monster. And it's deceptively easy to reveal my sins here, my words a buzzing signal upon the ears of the deaf. Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm not suicidal or longing for attention. On the attention score, I am conflicted, but I honestly expect few, if any, visitors. Where better, then, to confess? Where there will be none of things I don't want, no comfort and no concern.

I betrayed the one who made life bearable when I lived in the house of the tyrant. I broke a promise I made to her and her mother that I would take care of her, was selfish, and by my selfishness, I abandoned one who was so dear to me. I couldn't protect myself, but I could have still protected her if I hadn't given in to despair. I could have found a new home for her, I'm sure. She was beautiful. Instead, I ignored her and every time a notice came that the deadline for our eviction was growing closer, I turned away from her and avoided acting to protect us. My promise, broken. My dearest friend, left to the danger of the streets, the cars she so fears and things far, far worse. Some human, some not. At the time, I consoled myself with the weak excuse that she, like so many other unfortunates, was strong enough to survive, as if still wild. But it falls apart when I think of her affection for me, her weight, her softness, her sleeping, and her small, chiming voice... And knowing that I will never see her again. Oh, god! She needed me. She has no one to touch her, no one to play with her, to smile at her snoring, or pick her up, safe even if she hates it. And she's so small...

Life has made me move along with it. I'm living at home again, trying to balance school and work. But I can't look at anything here, not even my parents, without thinking of her. They're happy not to have to deal with their allergies, but they don't know about this. This horrifying sin stalks me. I am safe, comfortable, and cared for while god knows what she has already been through. I am longing for punishment from God, knowing it won't come. Good Lord, it never comes for me, but I wish He would stop letting my debts and my sins add up like this!