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Best Thing I Have ever Heard In This World... I Was On A Twilight Forum.. And omg...





TWILIGHT SUCKS


Bella is most obviously a Mary-Sue. Meyer should've gone and named our "Beautiful Swan" Stephenie to save us the trouble. Bella describes herself as "plain" and "clumsy." As the name states, Bella must not be as plain as she thinks. She has to be the opposite, although I think she's so special that she deserves a smack in the face. An overview of Bella's move to Forks, shall we?

So this completely ordinary girl moves to the dreary town of Forks (Why the hell did she move anyway?), and is the rejected, quiet new girl, right? Wrong. Bella isimmediatelyadored by five guys. Two of which are supernatural hotties, and the other three are just too normal for our wonderful Bella, aren't they? Sheapparentlydoesn't relate well with humans, but is accepted into a lunch table on her first day. Her main reason for them is to have quick, disposable friends that she can throw away once she gets her Eddy-kun. She falls head over heels in love over the course of a week, which is a load of crap. Since when do people love each other in a week, oh yeah, I forgot, in Meyer's perfect world of happy (Where oh where are my scary vampires?) nice vampires that aren't allowed to hurt Miss Isabella Swan.

Bella's care for her family isnonexistent.
Sure, she doesn't want the vampires to hurt them. But again, they're just like her disposable friends. Throw them away once you're done with them. Yes children, that's how we treat our friends! Let's all be like Bella! And remember kids, never call your parents "mom" and "dad"! That's Charlie and Renée to you! ^.^b

May I mention that Bella is a complete b***h?
She cries, cries a little more, hugs her abusive boyfriend, and gets what she wants. Her dad buys her a car, and what does Bella think? Crap, my dad's buying me a car. OMFG! I love it!Yeeeeeeeeah. She also claims that she loves Alice like a sister, yet brushes her off and hates to do anything that Alice enjoys. Some friend. Someprotagonist. Can't even have any dreams besides her wonderful vampire boyfriend. >______>

Now, onto Edward.
He's a fairy that sparkles in the sunlight. Not a vampire. A fairy. You can look him up by watching Walt Disney'sPeter Pan. Whenever Tinkerbell flies on, you see Edward in disguise.

I don't know what Bella sees in him, although I guess they share some of the same qualities.
Or not. Okay, well they both are extremely bitchy, so that makes up for something. Edward isn't your perfect boyfriend, folks. He'sStephenie Meyer'sperfect boyfriend. Man, her marriage must suck for her to invent someone like him.
#1 Edward is a control freak.

When Bella wants to say goodbye to her dad (in her own not so original way), he says:"You have fifteen minutes. Do you hear me? Fifteen minutes from the time you cross the doorstep
."

So our ever-perfect Edward Cullen is demanding his ever-perfect girlfriend to haul a** and ditch her father? Yup. I sure hope everyone who wants a boyfriend like him gets one. Then they'll see how much fun it is to have an uber sexy guy who stalks you and tells you what to do. It's sad how many people like him.

#2 Personality? I don't think so.

Does Edward possibly have a personality? Well, he's exhibited signs of some knowledge in the field of sarcasm, and some talent at playing the piano. Wow. There's enough personality there to make up for all the Mario characters combined! Edward's only known traits are the fact that he's hot, smart, and everything a girl could wish for. Besides a sense of humor, of course.

#3 Never Been on a Date

As Edward has previously stated, he'd never dated a girl before Bella. I guess he gets his expertise with girls from practicing on his teddy bear. As for what he does with Bella inBreaking Dawn,a teddy bear would've been impossible for practice, so he must've used a bean bag chair. Edward's smooth, sexy voice seems to come from nowhere, and so does his apparent experience with girls. Maybe he lied to Bella about Tanya's clan, and had an affair with one of the females. Of course, Meyer would never allow her perfect Edward to cheat on our Mary Sue, would she?

#4 He's Freezing

I know this is a small matter, but Edward is freezing cold. How does Bella fall asleep in his arms without a bunch of wool blankets? I've just been wondering that.

#5 Psychic Vampire

Mr. Cullen is 'da man! He can read minds, which means that no one will hurt our useless Bella as long as Eddy-kun can tell what the awesome person trying to destroy her is about to do! His powers should make it hard to concentrate (reference from Melissa inThe Secret Hour, which is a much better book) on his work and other people. But perfect Edward can tune them out and focus on whatever the hell he wants. Which is only Bella, of course. And it just happens that he can't read her mind. Lucky him, it's boring as hell.

#6 Vegetarian

Definition:a person who does not eat meat, and sometimes other animal products, esp. for moral, religious, or health reasons.

Yeah right. Why don't you try having some vampires eating lettuce? 'Cause I don't see them helping them environment with the slaughter of innocent wildlife. Meyer should just put up a sign that says: "Promote sexism and animal abuse!" Their diet is sickening (So isBreaking Dawn, XD). They couldn't be our awesome vampires that will drink humans' blood and not think twice about it. They had to be on an animal blood diet. Nice diet, Cullens. >.<

#6 Sparkles Like a Clean Floor... or Gai-sensei's Teeth?

What in the hell is with sparkly vampires? Is that their newfound sophisticated way of being burned by the sunlight? It's not even funny. I think Meyer's vampires use a bit too much soap in their expensiveJacuzzis.

#7 Poor Puppies

Edward doesn't like our little puppy dog Jake. Shame on him. Shame on the person who decided that the rest of the series was worth publishing. I thinkTwilightjust barely got a D-.

#8 Edward Cullen is Our New Hannah Montana!

Forget about Disney idols. Although they're worshipped, Edward Cullen probably has just any many fan-girls as the Jonas Sisters. Which is annoying for anyone that hates him. Personally, he could go get get torn up and burned for all I care. No, I do care. I want him to watch Bella die first. That'd be awesome.


Imprinting.... a way to find true love or to just reproduce?

Imprinting is another example of sexism in the series. The werewolf guys will imprint on a girl, no matter how old they are as a mechanism to keep their wolfy gene going. Even if the girl is young, they'll stay by their side as a father or older brother figure until the girl is old enough to have a sexual relationship with them. Personally, I think it's sick for the poor girls to go out with a guy who's been a brother figure your entire life. Meyer says it's like love at first sight... for the guys. The girls are supposed to know that they were meant to be with him, but they don't have a choice of guys. Another thing, the girls can't imprint. It's as if theentiretyof the pack's survival is based off of the men, while the girls are automatically menopausal and cannot help the pack grow. Sexist, sexist, sexist.

Meyer's vampires are no such thing.

They have no fangs. No fear of holy items. No harm done by sunlight. No three bites and you're out. Feelings about hurting humans. Delicious smelling shampoo, they've got that. BS, that's what it is.

Renesmee is a freak of nature.

There's no way she could possibly exist, even within the absurd laws of Meyer's world. Vampires only have VENOM in their systems, making it impossible for Edward to fertilize Renesmee without killing her and Bella. This is also slightly random, but why in the hell would Bella name her Renesmee? It was retarded name choice, guess Bella can't think up her own names. Idiot Mary Sue.

A summary of the series:

A beautiful girl moves to Forks and falls in love with an obsessive vampire despite all of the other better options. They go to play baseball one day and run into a gang of totally awesome evil vampires. One decides that he likes how Bella smells and tracks her toPhoenixwhere he gets killed by her uber annoying boyfriend. After a happy-go-lucky summer, Edward decides that he's bad for Bella and leaves her. She gets all depressed and suicidal and clingy to a werewolf named Jacob Black. She goes cliff diving one day and the psychic future seeing vampire (Alice) sees her and thinks she's killing herself. Edward decides to commit suicide so Alice goes and brings Bella to Italy, which is where they happen to be staying. Bella stops Edward from killing himself and they meet the big baddies, otherwise known as the Volturi. They go home and be a happy couple again. Later on Edward and Jacob start fighting until they find out that the evil vampire's mate from the previous year is coming back to kill Mary Sue. The werewolves and vampires team up and beat her army. Oh yeah, and Edward and Bella get engaged. Whoop-de-freaking-do. After they win, Bella and Edward get married and go on a honeymoon to Esme's Isle. They "go all the way" and in some mysterious way (You know, the whole all venom in a vampire's system thing.) Bella becomes pregnant with a half vampire. It breaks a bunch of her bones and chews through her uterus to get out. Edward bites Bella a bunch of times so she turns into a vampire and doesn't die. Then the rest is building up to the crappiest climax in history. And everyone lives happily ever after. Damn.

SO SUCK IT



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Best Thing Ever