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~I'm sorry for what we had, I'm sorry for what we didn't have...~

Yes, I'm already aware that I may have posted this on my other account, in my other journal xD But hey, I have different friends on here too!



Cat and Mouse

A/n: Well, this may seem totally random, but I've been scouring Youtube for a while since my new obsession, Pandora hearts, was discovered and I'd been kind of Thinking about the OzXGil/Raven pairing for sometime even thought Up a little smutty one, but I thought, since most of my fics are rather upbeat and happy, I want to make an rather angsty one, and then the song 'cat and Mouse' by the red Jumpsuit Apparatus came on and I was listening to it and I thought that it might actually make a good AMV, and THEN, since I was thinking about doing a PH fic, I thought that the song was great inspiration for a kind of Angsty OzXGil/raven Fic. I've gone and checked on how many there are for that pairing and I'm sad that it's so lacking in good fiction with those two xD yeah and It's from Oz's POV

Disclaimer: I Don't own PH, the song, or anything else that I mentioned. Although I had the chance, I'd steal Break, Oz, Raven/Gil, and Maybe Jack xD and Tie them all up in my closet xD But since I can't make them literally act out my fantasies, I'll settle for writing it and controlling them that way.

WARNING: Character Death. Sorry to say, but yeah. I don't really like to do it, but It works.

Summary: Oz and Gil had been friends since they'd first met, but Gil had been Oz's servant, but 10 years later, after getting sucked into the Abyss, Oz is back. Gil, now known as Raven, is eager to serve Oz once again and says that He would 'Die' for his master. But what happens when that proclamation comes true and Raven really does die for Oz?

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I sighed as I stared down at his hat. It seemed to be the only thing that was left of him now. I felt tears sting at the backs of my eyes as I remembered how things used be, back before I was pulled into the abyss. I couldn't help but remember how things were before this happened, before he was gone. We'd made promises to each other, like, how he was going to help me restore Alice's memories. I knew how much he hated her, but I always shrugged it off with a smile.
I chuckled slightly as I remember when I forced him to come to my coming-of-age ceremony, how I'd loved to see that shocked face when I told him that he was going to be there. I sighed again, turning the hat around in my hands. I loved him, plain and simple. But back then I thought that it had just been because he seemed to be the only friend I had. I'd shrugged it off then, but now, now that I think of all that we'd gone through, I realized that I loved him and that I never really bothered to tell him. I think that when he'd bowed down onto his knees before me that one day and said, asked, that he wanted to serve me again, that it might've been his way of saying 'I want to stay with you, I want to be by your side and never let you go'
Sure, he'd seen the way I looked towards Alice sometimes, but I realize this too, that what I felt for her was nothing in compare to what i felt for him, for Gil, no, For Raven. I smiled a tiny bit. He'd never really liked being called Gil. My eyes began to blur slightly and I rubbed them with my sleeve. I didn't want to cry, but I felt that I couldn't hold back any longer. I held his hat to my chest, to my heart, and sobbed, sobbed as I sat on his bed, surrounded by the things that smelled of him.
I thought that I could grow up with him then, I thought that things would go great now that I had Alice and Gil to help me. I even had Break and Sharon to help me too. Jack had come to help too. The man that looked so much like me. I was shocked when I first saw him. It was like seeing another me, an Older me that seems like it should have been me if I hadn't gone away.
It was funny, now that I think about it, and a little sad, how we used to banter back and forth about things, but there was still truth behind what we said to each other. We could have yelled at each other about something until our throats ran sore and dry, but we never really meant what we said. The last couple of months seemed to be a blur. We fought enemy after enemy in our pursuit to figure out, to help fix, what happened those ten years ago. I still remember how afraid he was of Cheshire. It was funny back then how he'd still retained his fear of cats. That might've been partially my fault, always sicking the cat on him just for a couple of laughs. He'd always whined about it later on, but after it passed, we both laughed about it until tears sprang in our eyes.
I don't really even remember how he'd died. I think that it was such a strong, such a horrid, moment for me, that my brain simply blocked it out. All I remember was waking up next to him, blood on both of us, and I leaned over his still body with the thoughts that he'd simply gone unconscious. But that wasn't true. I shook him, I'd smacked his face that seemed cold in my hands and then I just gripped his chest and wept at the realization that he was dead, that he wasn't asleep, that he was just simply not coming back.
I lost my chance to tell him something so important that I'm sure I'm going to regret it forever. I remember going to his funeral. He'd looked so peaceful for once. No matter what, whenever I'd seen him, he'd always had a look on his face that told me that he was always tense, that he was always thinking.
I sighed and lied down on his bed, turning my face into the pillow he'd slept on, inhaling his scent into my lungs.
I felt tears cloud my vision once again as I was enveloped in thoughts of him, of how we used to be. He was ten years older then me and I loved him with all my heart. The fact that he'd died coupled with the fact that I was sent into the abyss, that the fact that I was told my 'Sin' was my very existence, it made me wonder; was I really supposed to be happy? Was I supposed to get out of the abyss and take back what I had before? I severely doubted it. I still feel like I should have been sucked back into the abyss, that I should have stayed there. I let out a sobbing whimper as I curled into a ball, his hat still clutched close to me.
I could tell him now, I could see his face in my mind and tell him those words I wanted to tell him.
"I love you. I love you as Gil, as Raven, I love you."

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Well, I do hope that you enjoyed it, short as it is xD
Anyways I just had to get this out of my mind and I'm so terribly sorry for killing off Raven! He's one of my fave characters and i just LOVE the OzxGil/Raven pairing! BUT in light of this depressing fic, I promise that I'm going to try my best to make a smutty one-shot of the two of them, just to make you all feel better!
Well, the review button is down below, so, please click it and LET me know what you think! I barely get any reviews T.T and I'm feeling a wee bit starved for them. Also, I'm looking for a beta reader of my own xD Seeing as how I don't have a word processing program that has spell-check <3 Please, send me a message if you're interested.



~*I'm sorry that I love you, I'm sorry that you don't know me anymore*~