You were everything I could have ever asked for. No matter what I was going through, you always had the right words to say, even now as I am speechless. I will forever remember the first day we met:
It was a beautiful day , our high school was having a pep rally. I reluctantly obliged my friends to join them out by the football field. After some time had passed and it was about time for me to go, suddenly I turned to see you walking my way. Granted you were there to see your friend and not a total stranger like me, but you met my gaze nonetheless. I think it was there, that moment that we knew something was shared between us. Much like love at first sight, because honestly, that's what it was. A few days later we were talking , sharing ideas, goals, dreams; we knew there wasn't another person we'd rather spend our time with. Perhaps it was fate that we'd meet and fall in love, maybe just stupid crazy luck; but we were soul mates.
Time was always an elusive subject. And we were both young, so carefree , we didn't think time was against us, much less something so cruel that it'd sever what we thought was invincible. Over the years we grew apart, but we still loved each other. Things got complicated , life got in the way. You know if I could take it all back, I'd spend more days just enjoying life with you than fighting over silly things and working myself into exhaustion. But that's just it, we don't expect time to run out at this age. It's the last thing I expected for us. I knew of your depression, I tried to help you but I felt useless, I felt inadequate. Depression is a serious disease, and it can't always BE helped, but still I didn't want the love of my life to feel the way you did. I should have tried harder, I should have done more to save you.
The day you left, was the most painful day of my life. I thought I was living in a nightmare, I thought someone was playing a cruel trick on me. But when the day of your funeral arrived, I had to accept that you were gone. Seeing that coffin being carried through the silent church, I couldn't keep the tears from falling. And it felt like a knife to my chest when they lowered you into the ground. A great part of me died that day.
It's been difficult; it'll have been two years August 2nd, 2015. There are days I look back and wonder if I just didn't love you enough. Days that feel like I'm still in that nightmare. Some nights, I hurt so bad I become delusional and think that if I wish hard enough, I can go back to the day I met you; and save you. That's not the way life works though, we have to live with our mistakes. They will haunt us, sometimes for the rest of our lives. But we have to cherish the time we have with our loved ones, because you never know when you wont get that chance. I will miss you every day of my life, for the years that remain of it. But most of all, I will love you forever, for love is eternal.
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