Things have been so crazy lately... I don't even fully understand what's happening, but all I know is that suddenly things are no longer the same as they used to be, and I'm really afraid of what might happen in the end.
I've had to hurt someone who's very close to me, because I don't want to loose him. He likes me and wants a relationship, but I .. cannot allow that. I have many personal reasons, and besides that there is simply no romantic feeling there. This is just like me and Freddy all over again - the unmutual feelings. Except this person is obviously alot more precious to me then Freddy is.
He has been a best friend to me, he has been there when I needed him, and he always cared. He is like a brother to me, but he is not like a lover. I can't sum up those types of feelings for him, although I tried. It's just impossible ... he's not my type at all...
Even if I said yes to his demands, all that would end with is hurt. I would be his girlfriend only in status, unable to return any affection and to commit with true heart. It would be a repeat of me and Dustin's relationship - a weak but futile attempt that was promptly destroyed, though thankfully we're still friends because it was something we could both get over ... This would however be even worse, because this person likes me alot more then Dustin did.
If we got together, I would be too scared of what I'd done, to act against all my heart and intuition, and I would run away from it all, and I know I would hurt him. It would destroy our friendship, and I don't want that to happen. Our friendship is too precious to risk such a foolhardy thing... I know deep in my heart it wouldn't work, because I don't want it to happen ... and if I don't want it to happen, then where's the love? A relationship can't live without love.
Tell where it would go without love?
... Another important friend of mine, he told me I did the right thing, and he realized all the same things I do. He knows what would happen. He knows that it just can't be, not the way things are now. When I was despaired, he rescued me with his solid advice and gave me something to believe in, so I'm going to try to be a little happier from now on. The fairies... the fairies will be something to believe in and make me happier. I've been looking for something to uphold faith in, and now I do.
I'll try to be happier, really. I promise from now on I'm not going to let my faith be shaken. Patience ... just patience and happiness. Everything heals with time and a minimal effort. Trying too hard where it cannot be held, and it only breaks ... this is a lesson I've been learning lately. My inspiration has been drawn and it's true that it's ripe to let things run their own course. No more pushing on anything.
Trying too hard where it cannot be held, and it only breaks.
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These are the records of certain occurrences and musings in my life. It is probably not of much importance to you, unless you enjoy being a sleuth or have some vague interest in listening to me prattle about my flavour-of-the-month.
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