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So basically we've been better in our relationship.
But lately we're taking a turn for the worst.
Maybe its lifes way of testing up how strong we are.
I hope we pass.
Last night I text a friend saying
"I want to get stoned. And ******** Zee she wants a ******** buddy."
Now.. I've for the last couple of weeks wanted to get stoned.
Even though I hate it..
But the friend called Paul and was like "WTF" and repeated the text to Paul except saying I want the ******** buddy.
So now. I'm online but i'm away cos I'm talking to my family about tomorrow.
To do with my recently passed away grand dads will.
So I hadn't been talking to anyone in about 30mins.
I come back to have Paul screaming at me about cheating..
Apparently I'm cheating.
and was talking to people on msn and ignoring him!
All because of someone who was s'posed to be a mate to me well two.
One twisted the words and the other damn right lied.
So now i'm pissed off.
To have been just dealing with a subject that makes me cry
'cos of how close I was to my dads dad. To I'm s'posedly cheating!
So I go over there and try and sort it out.
He won't listen to me. I think fine. ********** him I dont care anymore.**
Even though I do.
I text Jodhi the friend telling him how much I hate him for twisting words,
And pretentually breaking us up.
I went for a two hour walk around keyham and to a friends house.
Who I know would NEVER do such thing.
I cried to him. Telling him everything and how I care so much
And can't believe all this has ******** up. He cuddled me and told me
"It'll be alright. You needa sort it out!" In his officer voice.
So I leave his. And Rich and Jodhi phone to say sorry.
They phoned Paul to sort things out and phone me back..
Begging me to sort it out because of how great we are together.
I simply said "NO ********** him I dont care anymore.**"
I decide to go back.
But I get caught up in thoughts.
Why must he not listen to me but only to others?
Why must he constantly compare me to his cheating exs.
Why won't he believe me when I say.
I HATE CHEATERS. I'LL NEVER DO IT.
Does he not remember he has cheated on me.
With one of his exs? I forgave him.
Does he not remember that it was "only a kiss"
But that one kiss could have started anything?
Does he not remember doing it infront of me!
I found myself at some train tracks by my hair dressers.
Watched four trains go by.
So I hurt i was thinking. Would a train hurt more than the track?
I asked Rich, Jodhi and Paul through a text.
They cause this pain. Would they care now the damage?
So what if i'm attention seeking.
Deep thoughts went into persuading myself.
No matter what. Don't do anything stupid. Don't let him win.
They call. I only answer to Paul. With not much of an answer.
I walked back.. Getting lost.. Meeting chavs. Walking with them.
The McTyes.
I sit where I've been going for 5yrs.
The garages by Paul. Deciding what to do.
I finally go to Pauls. To try again. But this time..
I can't, every time I try to talk my mind.
Something it holds it back so badly i can't fight it's strength.
The demon within makes me mute again.
I can't even look at him. I'm ashamed.
Ashamed of myself for all of this.
He screams at me.. I want to scream back.. I can't.
The next moments in his house.. Are merely a blur.
I'm home. Home and online.
Reading the messages he had screamed at me.
I cry myself to sleep thinking about how we used to be.
The happy us. Those memories are never to fade.
I wake up at 5am. Crying.
My nightmare.
He screamed abuse at me.
Finished us properly.
But was still here.
I cried myself back to sleep until 7am when once again wake up crying.
I must get up.
The dream was so real. Yet the reality felt a dream.
I want to call him.
Explain everything about me.
Sort us out properly.
I can't.
I never will be able to.
 [Nympho] Whore · Tue Feb 27, 2007 @ 07:50am · 0 Comments |
![[Nympho] Whore](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/12/96/3c424a02339612.png?t=1316041160_6.00_11 "[Nympho] Whore")