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Not Around
I've not been around a lot since after Christmas... I know. For those wondering, it's been a massive mess of RL crap mostly.
01. Depression after Christmas - seems to be a yearly thing now. I seriously had absolutely no will to do anything, and that even included playing FF12 and Valkyrie Profile 2, which I got for Christmas and had wanted badly for months.
02. Got sick at New Years with soem congestion/sinus/chest BS, including painful neck glands and a lot fo snot and pleghm. That was about 1 week to get over... wasn't too thrilled about that, either.
02. RL dumped stress on me as I was recovering from 1 and 2. e.e Goddamn people in this house just know how to time things to make it even worse, I swear.
03. Dad comes down with intestinal virus granting throwing up AND diahrrea. It goes to mom, leaving em to kind fo have to handle thigns, and then my brother, fiance, and then ME. And I spend at least 3 days in bed sleeping mroe then I am around. And then another 4 days clearing it out completely and feeling more human and eating OMG REAL FOOD. That was at least good to do (recovewring enough to eat).
04. RL dumps more stupid crap on me - incluing cancelled doctor's appt. that I need, and general rampant stupidity and drama.
05. My internet has been stupid and flaky. Dunno WTF Verizon did or is doing, but sometimes I can't load things - SOMETIMES the internet will work, and sometimes not. SOME constant connections work, although can be pretty badly lagged. AIM tended to mass ping/DC which left me annoyed, to say the least. Gaia/PonyIsland load issues. Seems it might eb clearing out, finally, and mostly. Still get some lag.
Honestly? I'm not pleased being so far behind on things and owing work. I'm basically falling apart it feels like over everything that's happened and a lot of what's to come RL. 4 years ago I went into the Navy (well, a few days to boot). I don't doubt that's playing a HUGE part in some of my problems too - subconscious issues, mostly, the kind that are hard to just shrug off. (For the record, it's an issue because I was seperated, which seems to have raised more problems for me aside the knee injuries.)
What I NEED is to get myself together, shake this BS that's got me bogged down and tied, and get moving again, but it's not easy. Saying it is easy - actually doing it without sliding back is harder - MUCH harder. Also, being sick threw me off my medication cycle, whihc probably hasn't helped.
I had a rather massive fight and way over upset last night. I have a headache now. I shouldn't have snapped like I did last night, and it kind of made me realize I DO have a problem with thigns right now. I owe a lot of work to some people, and I feel bad I am so far behind. Betweent eh internet and my mental state, it's just... bleh. My ability to focus blows chunks, to say the least, RL and otherwise. I just... don't get crap done that requires any amount of focus. It's like being dead almost. I feel disattached and ... well, seperated from things.
And that's not good. So I need to work on that, which means being missing somewhat. I lurk, but being vocal and posting? Not so much... need to get myself together before I can really contribute again. neutral
Need to work on the job thign too.... which doesn't help the stress as there's certain limitations to my ability, etc. which doesn't help things and a lot fo stress/worry over some other aspects. And damned expectations from certain people. BLEH.
One step at a time. One thing at a time. Get myself back on track somehow, sort out everything I owe... some stuff is partly done/waiting, others are nowhere. little by little, I will get caught up. I am sincerely sorry to everyone waiting.
This January ******** session isn't the first one... I was hiatus-like last Jan, and I think the one before. I need to do something about it, as soon as I find out WHY my mental health appt. is MIA for this month when I KNOW it was scheduled. ~.~ Least the only appointment not overly screwed up/cancelled is my knees for Friday. HOPEFULLY I can verify bowling will help my legs, hehe. LEAST I am social offline a little now with one friend I can see RL anymore.
Maybe it will help.
I am hoping. Hope at elast cannot be taken from me, though it can seem fleeting. I will hold onto it, and I will fight this. ....after my head stops hurting like a 2x4 was beaten into it a few dozen times. Ow.
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