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WARNING: VERY LONG JOURNAL, SWEARING, LOVE AND VALENTINE HATING CONTENT

O_O OMG IT'S ALMOST VALENTINES DAY!! *screams running in circles in attempt to get away from the valentine dance signs, but not really getting anywhere...*

For most people who know me, I am the most unaffectionate person they know on like the face of the planet...so those people will understand why I hate valentines day. I hate it so freakin much...why does it have to be every year? Why can't it occur once every 10 years, or if even better, never?

Valentines day takes first place in the days I hate the most:

1. Valentines day
2. My brother's birthday (IT'S THE FREAKIN HORRIBLE DAY HE CAME INTO EXISTANCE!!)
3. Exams
4. Vacation with my family (Note: Never drive to a province really far away crammed into one little car...either you'll kill someone else or they'll kill you first, especially if you're parents might as well be canabalistic to eachother because they get along so badly)
5. Going to the skating rink with Sam (I can't skate, and then she grabs me while she's going fast and lets go. Of course, I can't stop, so I fly straight into the wall. xp )

Since you can see Valentines Day infront of those ever so horrible things, you can truly see how much I despise it. IT FREAKING GOD DAMN SUCKS SO GET OVER IT!! Love, caring, relationships...ewwwww...next thing before I know it they'll make a Grinch version of Valentines Day and I'll be playing the role of the person who destroys Valentines Day. I would do a pretty good job at it too...

I hate everything associated with Valentines Day. Especially the evil word..."LOVE", yes, that's the evil word. It should just go blow itself up and go to heavan so I won't ever have to see it again. I got no love in my family, I got no love anywhere else, so why the hell should I be celebrating something I don't have? I am a hideous brown-long-haired-scarred-brown-and-green-eyed-freak. Not to mention my personality isn't built for relationships. I get nervous, I blush like crazy, I'm too nervous to do anything, ontop of that I don't believe in love anymore. Let's just say I've given up on it.

Trust me when I say I have every right to hate Valentines Day. Every year, it's been horror for me. Everybody happy, getting their little cards, while I'm always the new student with nothing. No wonder I'm such a socail breakdown, every single damn year I was sent to another school until gr4, I never got to fit in anywhere! By then, I never had the personality fit to be a happy and prep like everybody else that have so many friends. People who are unsocail are alone, excluded, forgotten, and unloved. There's the word I stress so much.

My love life:
My family slowly began to exclude me and treat me even worse then I get at school, I get more unloved and treated with no respect that I should be getting. I don't even get anymore respect then my brother, he's doing drugs, disappearing constantly, making a huge mess, he does more bad then he does good in the house, he doesn't do any of his own chores, he's a what I call a a**-mouth, and he's failing in school! What ever happened to those who work hard get treated fairly?

At school, what happens there other then isolation? Last year was horrible...all those dances of sitting in a dark corner...I at least had Sam there to hang out with before and distract me from all those cursed slow dances, but then she graduated to highschool, where I go to now. At the dances I never got asked to get danced with once then a short little chubby red headed freak that is even more rude then my brother...more logic, but still a million times rude. He thinks telling someone that nobody wants you there, including those you call friends, on the last day at elimentary school, is a joke. Who the hell is stupid enough to do that? If he ever goes near me again I'm afraid I'll have to get a restraining order or I might commit murder, trust me when I say it's for his puny little worthlessness's s sake...
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I never got loved by anyone. I know it. I never got a valentines card from someone of their own free will, our teachers made us hand out valentines to everybody in the class. Nobody asked to dance with me in the dances, my friends forget me and if they ever notice me, I've been following them for at least 20 minutes...a little bit of exageration, but you get what I mean, I hope. Last year ontop of that, some people thought it'd be hilarious to play with my emotions and make me snap a little more. They acted like they loved me, in other worlds, fake flirting. I think there was 3 of them doing it...the fact that I knew it was to tease me and they knew I would never be someone actually to be loved, it hurt. I didn't want to say anything. It eventually led to me snapping like a twig and crying, then my teacher saw me and made me talk to the principle...can it seriously get any worse?
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I'm sure if you actually know me, you would've read something in my previous journals about somebody who said they loved me for a while too and then never replied to me, talked to me, or ever saw me again. The last time I had saw them is that they were with some other girl, so how do you think I feel? Ontop of that, I had a crush on somebody last year, that never worked out and he was being hogged by some sluts...that surely broke what hope I had left.

Pretty big section, eh? There's some pretty nasty stuff in there that some Valentine Lovers shouldn't see...I think I'm going out with somebody now...but I'm not sure if they like me that much, I barely ever talk to them, let alone see them other then when I'm walking to my classes. They asked to go out with me, I just couldn't say no, I couldn't find the heart to say it and I'm desperate to get out of this state and maybe have finally something to hope for... god knows how this will work out...I just know it won't be good. Why the hell did I do this again?

I can guarantee this year won't be any different...That's it...Holy s**t this is long...