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Sickness
I feel sick to my gut.. and its all because of a dumb arugement my parents had.. its real bad.. mom left the house.. dad broke the back dore literly.. oh and I feel like hurting my self.. And all of a sudden I'm burden with the responceablity as Mommy to my sisters.. Again.. ******** this sucks.. I'm thinking about Leaveing my self.. they sure wouldn't care if I was here or there.. maybe... I should go vist my aunt, uncle in Calgary.. or go get a job and try and support my self on the streets.. maybe I should start drinking beer, and become a alcholic.. what dose it matter.. I don't care.. I just wanna hurt my self or forget the pain I'm in.. it feels like I'm about to throw up my heart.. Funny thing is I kinda saw this happing.. I should of figured this would happen . Should of gone to bed on time.. maybe I should.. go to a friends house and stay with her for a while.. I'm not up for any finals.. now.. I'm sopose to get the rudest and most childish gym teacher at school he's also Sexist he gives girls bad marks just for the fun of ********. My uncle and his girlfriend had an arugement not even 10 miniuts after my mom went out the door.. they live in the basement so I could hear it from the main floor.. I also could here my parents they were up stairs in there room above me.. Depressing in a way huh.. Its my mom fault too.. I think maybeI should go see the counsoular.. take my own adivce see a shrink.. I wounder if that would work.. I have pretty bad dreams.. now at least 3-4 times a week wakeing up thinking somebody face is in front of me when I wake up I think I see it and I think they have a knife or gun.. Normaly a knife.. The dreams are slightly getting wrose though but at least its the same killer each time.. He's always a foot away from me at least his face is.. its pretty scary.. I can see how he gets in.. he kills the dog.. then suffcates my sisters stabs me and then shoots my parents.. its also vivid.. 5 years ago I had a dream while at was at my aunt house that my parents were all killed and each of there thoarts where slit.. it was in so much detail.. and it feult so real.. I threw up right after I wolk up.. I lied to my aunt and said I was just sick with a little bit of the flue she believed me.. of course she would I'm her favorite neice or was.. I duno If I am anymore. I don't know what to think.. I'm just feeling sick.. and afloue.. and god I don't know what to do anymore..
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Community Member