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Okay for some reason I've remembered how my early childhood has been very lonely. like i didn't have a friend i could really talk to until 3rd grade before then i was just the "kim." Every school has a kim they're the person that just wanders around by themselves wish they were things they weren't. they may sit at your lunch table but you all ignore them and they just sit there and mumble to themselves. Then when they leave you make fun of them because of how "crazy" or annoying they may be. When i was little I was the kim of my grade. during recess i would just walk along the edge of the mulch box the playground stood on. I'd walk all over the play ground. I'd occasionally partake in some group activity but i would feel unwanted so i would leave. so they wouldn't have to say it to my face. because i knew they were thinking it. perhaps now ii i say it i would see that it was all in my head that they hated me but its very possible that my 7 year old mind knew the truth. in the 3rd grade i made a friend and after that i felt more positive that people could actually want to be my friend. In middle school i still had a friend and then in 7th/8th i transfered over to being best friends with jordan. then in highschool somehow we i was in a whole gang of friends and freshman year was probably the best ever then in at the start of 2006 new years to be precise i found that the friends i knew were becomming what i did not want. especially with a knife being thrown at me. that would do it in for anyone. so then i drifted away. now all i am to them really is a car ride home for some reason i can't bring myself to tell them no. They don't invite me to things because they think i spend all my time with Michael true that can be for some of the time but really i spend a lot of time alone. most of that alone time is spent on the internet where i have a variety of friends and what not. most of them tell me i am a really good friend. but if that were true you'd think that after a year of no group of friends that i would have found a new one by now. yes i hang out with the nerds but thats only at school i don't do anything outside of school besides one day a weekend i get to hangout with Michael. i really want a friend that i can tell things to. discuss things that i want to talk about but Michael would never want to. even things i can't really tell Michael. Like gaia he thinks that i don't play on it anymore. He really HATES gaia. so yeah i can't really tell him any funny things i find on here because then he'd be like pft gaia. you suck Dx or something sigh i really shouldn't even post this.... the only people who read my journal actually know me and that could end badly? oooh well i don't even care anymore not like i have any friends to loose.

Posted by: demonduck Wed Nov 22, 2006 @ 06:14am

tumblah

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xiDR4G0N
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Commented on: Thu Nov 23, 2006 @ 04:40am


	You're such a friendly person, that sounds strange. But little kids can be unbelieveably cruel sometimes. I want you to know that I am immensly fond of you and that I've seen more than a few faces light up after your reference. Maybe I'm no good for after school stuff because I'm almost never at my mom's house, but I'm usually pretty good at listening when people need to talk. So you're always welcome to come talk to me, or give a call, or whatever you need to do.

Commented on: Fri Nov 24, 2006 @ 01:04am


	heh. thanks i dunno how faces could light up from me >.> but yay! that makes me feel better. course i did feel better after going to bed. i wrote that at like 3 in the morning so i was rather moody so to say but all of it is pretty much true ^^;

demonduck
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xiDR4G0N
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Commented on: Fri Nov 24, 2006 @ 01:37am


	I'm just saying what I mean. ^^ You'd be surprised. Usually excitable people like you make other people feel happy too, and they remember that. Sometimes when you're up late, your brain lets you in on all the stuff it usually doesn't. And then it's easier to share, I guess.

Commented on: Fri Nov 24, 2006 @ 06:04am


	like drugs?!

demonduck
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Crimson_Vagina
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Commented on: Thu Dec 14, 2006 @ 05:03am


	DDDDDDDDDDDDD: Meeee-eeee-eeeegggg. I ache. This is just how I felt last year. You know that if I still lived in Zionsville I would be this friend. But I always figured you were perfectly content with Michael. But yes. I've talk to nearly all the Dartmouths (haha. I almost forgot that's what "we" were called that) on the subject and they all agree that freshman year was the best. I can't wait to see you over the summer again. If you still want me to come to Quaker camp, of course. ^ ^

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