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Huh....well Ricky broke up with me like....an hour ago....not even. It was so....out of the blue. Well technically it's a break becuase he said "I'll come back to you and I want to get married and have children with you and spend the rest of my life with you." I've heard that before....He promised he wouldnt date anyone else or flirt or ******** around with anyone else and he said it'll be a week to a month before we get back together. He said it'll take until he realizes how stupid he is about leaving me.....still. I kind of think....he just might not come back this time. Heh...Katie bought me chocolate.....the dove kind filled with caramel...the wrappers have little notes on them...the first one I opened said "It's a bubble-bath day." HAH. It surely is. the next one said "Write a love letter this week" ...... well ******** dove. But yea. I dunno. He promised he woudnt ******** around with other people....but he's been known to never keep the most important promises....I'm just going to trust him. I knew this was coming....the way he'd been acting and never tellimg me what the matter was. But I promised him I would wait for him. And in return he promised to be only with me...-although I'm still THOUROGHLY confused as to how he can say he still wants to be my fiancee and yet be single...baffling. but I trust him- Wel I called eileen....and katie...they basically were just as confused as me becuase they didnt know anything about this. this is probably why tony was being so nice to me today....either way....I'm sure I'll be fine if I can just wait. God I hate waiting.... but love is a gamble. You either distrust them....only to find out that they were being truthful and lose them over that or find out you were right to distrust them and be thankful for it. And then there is being able to trust them, my personl gamble, where you trust them only to have your heart broken, or to be rewarded by a happy ending. ********. I opened another dove chocolate...it said "write a love letter this week" just like the other one.....GOD DAMNIT. DOVE, YOU SUCK! but but....it's soooo good.....::gargle::

meh.....zack was of NO help at all to me over the phone. Figures. Bah...men don't know what the ******** they're doing ever. All I wanted was for someone to say it'll be alright and to just wait...that he lovez you and it;ll all be fine. but nooo....zack is probably feakin' happy about this. WELL I'M NOT ******** OKAY. I FEEL ******** UGLY. I KNOW I AM ******** UGLY INSIDE AND OUT. God. It feels good to finally ADMIT to that crap. Tony and Kenny are going to make my life HELL at school becuase of this..and so will all of ricky's friend's....-they were COMPLETELY against us dating and tried breaking us up multiple times.....bah. last week was HORRIBLE. I was soo happy it was over....I was looking forward to a week off.....a week away from the hellish judgemental school filled with like me.....and to top it all off...my mom would be gone.....so wonderful sounding, huh? eileen is gone...I can;t be with her now...and katie is busy with darrin....and now my best friend the one i loved LEFT me....and the other person I cared about is proabably taking PLEASURE from this. Oh and today..I found somehting interesting in my mom's closet. you know how kids write notes back and forth to eachother in class? Well...it could be anythign.....serious things about me and my friends....or just stupid s**t..stuff I ahve done ricky has done and everything else....well...I usualy TEAR THEM UP and throw them away MY trashcan in MY room...well I've found....those notes......taped BACK TOGETHER and in a nice little neat stack in my mom's closet....WHAT THE ********.
THAT SICK b***h HAS BEEN GOING THROUGH MY ******** TRASH. ******** HER ******** HER ******** HERI ******** HATE HER.It's....just so disgusting......why the hell would someboady DO that? It's gross.....I'm so angry and sad and anxious and just....every emotion I have felt today.....ugh. My week away....is now my week of hell....only to go back to school and having to deal with it......I need a break. but I cant miss school. Too much to be done to PLEASE that sick ******** b***h my mother.

BAH.


MERRY ******** CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU.