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Live learn and become your life ..once you live your life day by day you will learn whats right and whats wrong then all that you done has became apart of your life.

Me I say I'm ready to make new decidsions and I'm sorry to all those people that I've hurt on the way if any but if you expect me to find it easy to except what you have done you have another thing comeing.... Don't think I didn't see what you have done to betray my trust but I tell you now I am a bigger person then you ever will be and if you feel that your a bigger person for stabbing me in the back then lieing about it all in all you havn't learned a damn thing.

-whats done is done and you have lost so now you see how much our friendship has cost-

You really make it difficult for me to say that I was once a friend of yours. I used to be by your side all the time with all the tears that you have cried but then one day you decided that hey she's a pushover and I can do what ever to her and she will be oblivious ha you got that wrong chick...see how quick I told you off and how fast you became nothing but a mere aquaintence...what you done was so flipping stupid that I just can't believe you out of all people would do that to me. I dont have to apoligize for anything but I am I'm saying sorry that I even thought that maybe you were a friend. Sorry girl you did what you wanted and it bite you right back in the butt...after I gave you a chance the first time it ani't happening the second time. Thats why you should live learn and become your life because if you decided to follow someone who is blinde that person isn't going to lead you to the right place all the time. you need to face the facts that you have your own mind that is spinning on its wheels and you shouldn't follow those that will lead you to some place that you shouldn't even have looked at before....gersh....



On a other notes.... i'm ok living life day by day waiten for the years to pass me by when I have my own place and living life the way I want it but I know I have to wait for the certain things that I want...my plans for now is to get done with school go to college then become a dentail hygentist then I'm going to settle in for what I got then go back to school to become a pharmasist .. I plan on become a much more of successful person then my family believes I am... I'm going to be someone my little cousins will look up 2. I plan on become something my mother and father say I never will become and that is someone worth something...

-I know i'm worth a million now but wait till later when I'm a million more-

Thats just the least of what I have to say tonight..Feelings towards others lets talk about that >;P OK ok so maybe I like...really REALLY like someone I can't help it ... smile he's cute funny and you know what he's something good. Other people can say something different but there's a differences between the words and what you know and trust from what I know from this person he's great and cool :/ and hoping he is not reading this lol...>_<.... I know I screw up when it comes to getten together with people but thats because I have this thing where I get scared and I'm still trying to get over this stupid s**t and I'm scared that I won't be all that a person wants or that they will compare me to the person before and that does suck . I mean I wanna b all like...hey boy I like you more then you think and the way you make me feel is like no other...so what I know he's not my bf but he is a great friend always smile .. I can share mad secrets with him that I don't tell anyone else and like just gah my fears I'm willing to face em for him ......(god I hope he ani't reading this...) I know I'll end up telling him all this but I dont wanna right now >< I dont know if he reads blogs but if he does and he reads this part and he asks time for me to face it... People may call me stupid but it was a simple crush at first you know a small one where you would like try to look at the person then noticed they were looking at you and you look away really quick or the things you try to say didn't come out right or u just blush when your near em then it become to crush style number 2 and its like yo I really like this guy you know and the thought of him makes you happy and trust I love the happy feelings smile then it skipped steps and now I'm like damn I wanna be with this person and This is where I get stuck and I only liked one other person like this but I was stupid enough to just fall in love with him and get crushed and now I'm scared if I'll do the same things...I know we learn from our mistakes but thats if you realize them me...I dont know if I'm doing something wrong or if I'm ...not I know this is confusing to me but if you understand hit me up tell me what your thoughts are ...

sometimes I mess up badly and I'm tired of messing up something that can become so beautiful...so wonderful...its like I have 2 left sides of the brain..??? or rights side what ever you perfer ....>_<((hope he didn't read this...))

-sometimes I just think to much -

Yea yea I think to much but some thoughts that I think have meaning to them at least I think so...sigh...now

-I really hate the feeling of being advoided-

Sometimes its like I'm being advoided...it kinda makes me wonder is there something wrong with me ?? Of course theres flaws in everyone but you know how that goes...sure not everyone is happy to show thier flaws...actually no one likes to show their flaws...but of course our flaws makes us who we are and they are only but simple things...I think ?? Yea I feel advoided at times and it sucks but thats okay cause like people say... I'll get over it any ways in which I do but its not like I really want to but its because I know I have to or else it would drive people nuts and I know it would drive me even more crazy and up the walls if I'm like...24/7 thinking about being advoided...?...I'm strange and unusal so what I'm me thats all that matters really smile I'm a beauty smile To my self any ways and saying it with confidence not concedednce lol ?? is that even a word...ANY WAYS!!..

Sometimes the art of letting go is to forget

..Yes sometime I tend to ...not to forget but I have to live in this house in which I'm reminded that I have flaws so what do I do is Accept all that I am...I'm a big girl sometimes talks with a lisp(only sometimes) was a seed of my father but you know I'm not all that bad.....i think =D...no no those are only the simplest flaws I can think of ...but if your the child of a crazy italian mother who has nothing better to do then bug the s**t out of u about u and tell you things you wish a mother wouldnt say kinda tends to be a s**t load more then you think...I never knew I was such a Flawed person but everyone is... I mean come on Nobody is perfect unless you count god but god doesn't count ...I'm just like the ordinary bunches of people that stick out everyone in a while and in this family I defiently stick out being the black sheep of it all...but why do people have to judge upon your flaws and not your good ones??? just a question I thought I ask...>_< -sigh-

Live your life as it be not by what people claim

And people just like to steortype people everyday and judge em just because I wear black or hang with lesbians I am what they think but does it hurt to not judge the book by its cover...come one I mean before closeing my book of my life and putten it on the shelf...be sure to read it for sure and not just look at its cover becuase I could be something that your missing in yourself......yea yea i'm rhyming woohoo but it comes naturally lol smile I think alot like I said before but thats what we pholisphers do(I got that from a friend hehe) we ponder to ourself of life and what we could of done to make things different and talk to other people about our experience much like a teacher. We go on and continue with the hard times and the easy ones and see what has been done ..sometimes we get together and share with one another secrets that eachone holds yet still wise just not wise enough...everyone is like this ...yes...well some people like to not be like this but we all have things to work out on our own and do what we have to do till the pain hits our bone..Yea live your life as you want it as a person who can travel and experience and not just sit there like a heavy a** rock >_< that hurts the bottom after a while...ouch lol

Why be a wilted rose and not a full blown one?

Why would you be brown and dead and not livly and red (rose perspective!!) I mean come on to be the brown you would be a person that is done and sad mayb lonly and scared...while in the red...you will have your thorns that hurt and petals that will fall but your still living a life of experience of knowing what it feels like not to fall....to sudceed and proceed with life and not stop ...keep climing those stairs till you reach the top...making people be proud of you and all that you do ...because the only thing you can say is that today your having you way and you are going to sudceed in all that you proceeded in and that you will win..much more happiness and fulfill your purpose of which you have for yourself...ok if you want to know I dont know what I'm writting till I read it ...so if the grammer isn't good I'm sorry I'm just that way when it comes to thinking... smile anyways ...yea live your life to day...stop contemplating...



Contemplation

Ok...I contemplated on today and thought about my life...I want to be a kid again I miss them good old days where mud pies and worms didn't matter ... I remember playing with my friends and laughing till the end but what has happened...I remember school and homework where once you were done you can go and play and by the end of the day you were knocked out cold...but then there are many MANY things that made me look back and say wow....I'm glad I'm not a kid today...memories of course (like I said I dont forget lol)... things that has happened to me that my people has made me lie about to protect themselves and other things just to many things but thats not the way for me and if I ever have a child...I will always love that child and make sure that child don't have the same life I had and if I have to lose sum'em for a child I will only because the childs life is the one I would worry about>_< dag gon mother syndrom...been having alot of that latly...>_< must mean I"m growing up even more...ok ok so I seen alot of things even without being alot of places and it kinda makes me wonder how come I came out the way that I am today???? One of my friends has even repeated ...I'm suprised with the s**t you go through your a nice person ...I dont know people but I think looking up to the right people has helped and I learned my parents weren't the ones to look up too...but my brother...People at work find it weird that I love my brother but with out my brother its like I would have to point of living at all...and I would b a hella alot like my dad and most likly would of had zero friends no life alcholic no education killing and hurting people thats just how he is or just my mom tempermental...skitzo bi polar in coharentent to all but my own feelings type person sure I know I can posses some of those qualities but I tend to let them go ...not use em and contemplate what I'm doing my brother is a quite person and he will always be there for me when I need him and I think him for all and I LOVE him for everything he has done but I dont think he actually knows all this ...>< GAH!!>...< Ok ok I'm going to bed b4 I get started on something new have a great night everyone

..I have more but I think this will be good for now ...><