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It's been about six days and ten hours and close to thirty minutes since we last spoke.
It's been fourteen days since I broke your heart, and mine along with it.
I have the song "hate me" by blue october on repeat.
I can't stop thinking of you.

You say you need space, and time to heal.
How could I deny you that right?
I can't stand me either
Since that dissasterous night.
But the knowledge of your pain
forces me to remain.
Even if it's as nothing more than a shadow.
I cannot hold you
nor can I wipe away your tears.
But I'll stand at your side
throughout the years.
I know you don't want me
So in the shadows I'll stay
Silently watching you
As you go on your way.
And as time goes by
My love for you won't fade
The hole in my soul will continue to grow
But it's the bed I have made
So in it I will lay.

I just want you to know
You're never alone
I'm waiting for you
by the phone.
To let me walk in the reflective light of the moon
For I know I will never see the sun with you again
I gave that up
But for what it's worth
I still think you'll be better off this way.
Maybe not for a while
but in the long run
I hope you'll see that I love you.
That I aways have
And always will.
That I'm still holding on
Even though I told you to let go.
I hope some day you'll see
that what matters most
Isn't that you were happy with me
But that you're the happiest you can be.


I realise this is a selfish act, to write all this and possibly hurt you even more. Still I don't believe you'll read it. If you do please don't misunderstand me as I misunderstood you those many months ago. This isn't meant to hurt you, just as your story wasn't meant to hurt me.

Tuesday August 22, 10:25 pm
I hate myself right now.... I can't deal with this.... ********! What have I done?!?