Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Sorry, no Life lessons today. They're going to come in at any time. Plus, I also believe that most Life lessons are meant to be learned.

Alright, so let's say that you're telling a good friend of yours about a book you've read. You are absolutely certain they would enjoy it, however, you are either unable to give them a satisfying description, or they simply glace at it and mentally toss it aside. This tends to hurt you in some small way. Why is that?

Because they took something you held in high regard and labeled it as 'nothing'? Because you thought a good friend would have been more understanding, given the fact that the two of you are friends because you have similar interests?

No, let's also say that you know this friend is upset with you about something that had happened. You've apologised as best you can for the situation at hand, but you can tell that they haven't let it go. This only makes little situations (such as your book proposal) even worse because you can sense that a part of that rejection is because they are still upset with you.

Ok, so most people can't nesessarily sense these things, so bear with me.

Yeah, I know this is a small thing, but it just piles onto the multiple miniature occurances ever since I have pissed off my good friend.

So we used to talk all the time, RP by ourselves, whatever. Then something came up where they wanted to try Roleplaying something that felt very uncomfortable to me.

I tried to go along with it because they were my friend and they really wanted me to check it out, but it went too far for my tastes.

This is likely to be because the characters I create for any type of story or RP is going to have characteristics somewhere that I relate to. Otherwise, I would never be able to do the character justus. You could say it's a personal thing, however, I can easily say that many people do this as well when it comes to Roleplaying.

After I told them that it just wasn't right to me and apologised, this friend became very silent.

This was only the final straw. There had been a few conversations that concerned trust over the internet that turned into me severely pissing my friend off. I said that I would never be able to truely trust them online. I was being as nice as possible and explained that there would never be solid proof of who they were. There were always risks, whether or not they were friends. I also suspect that the friendship went further than I had wanted and I may have broken another heart.

No more constant conversations. We talk in public, but beyond that, there's nothing. Not only that but their public Roleplaying characters are slowly inching away from my own. You would be surprised how much a person's roleplay character can expose what they're actually thinking or feeling.

*sigh* What have I done this time? Have I really broken another heart and am now feeling the bitter sting of the cold shoulder? How close am I allowed to be to a friend that I only want to be a friend before they get the wrong ideas? How many people can I TRUELY trust to be my friend and not wanting something more?

For any of those people out there who feel that they are justified in getting revenge on those who have rejected them, you had better stop right now and ask yourself whether or not you are being fair. This has happened enough times now, that I am starting to believe that the cold-hearted bitches actually have the right idea.

EVERY time I have tried to let someone down nicely, I catch wind of them spreading rumor that I 'swing the other way' or a bunch of crap that I have somehow wronged them greatly. Even worse is when they turn into stalkers and I have to fight hand and foot to get them to back off.

Due to all of these excruciating experiences, I can count the amount of people I can truely trust on one hand when it comes to my closest friends. Want to guess what that number is?

It's 3. And only one of those is even male.

Now if anyone even tries to think that it's easy to be nice, they had better put on a bullet proof vest and get ready for my verbal uzi.

The next time any of my personal demons want to try and knock on me for being nice...They should not expect to be steril by the time I am finished with them, because it really does make me want to cry.

Worst part? I know VERY well what it is like to experience 'unrequited love'. Again, allow me to emphasize 'VERY'. I can tell you now, it's painful. I believe I am also at liberty to tell you to get over it. These types of things are NEVER gentle to re-open and I, myself am still working on it.

So don't even think. DON'T YOU DARE EVEN THINK that someone who lets you down politely doesn't know how you feel.

Yes, I am working out a bit of anger because I am sick and tired of people accusing me of doing them wrong, blaming me for their problems, calling me a ******** lesbian and then stalking me constantly for answers I have already given or are convinced that thier 'perseverance' will win in the end. IT'S NOT THE GOD DAMN MOVIES, IT WONT WORK. All it's going to get you is knock to groin and a restraining order. So BACK OFF or I will MAKE you back off...

Yeah, that was getting off track. My overall meaning for this entry is to point out a question that sticks to my mind every time someone is upset and never actually TELLS me why they suddenly hate me so much.

"Why are you doing this?" and "What is making you so upset?"

Okay, two questions, but my point stays valid.

If I have somehow upset you this much, I would appreciate a reason. I don't care if you don't want to talk about it, because, if it's bothering you this much, we NEED to discuss it. Unless you really want me gone that badly. In which case, fine. I know I can be cruel at times, but that is a part of both your nature and mine. I will leave. But not without a simple answer.

Why?