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How is one meant to feel when all that can possibly go right and wrong in the world combine and merge into a single event to shape your outlook on life in ways you could never expect?

How can it be the one thing that you wished could happen, if only once, if only a trial, could leave your soul in shattered bits as you realize you just did the one thing that should not have happened?

How is it, that within the arms of the one who broke your will would be the one place to find the strength to repair it?

Why do the gods curse my existence, putting me on the threshold of all I desire and giving me the sense and wisdom to know that now is not the time to take those desires?

And how can it, that, with an hour's rest near your love, you can be cured of all mental anguish and see an event that to your eyes and heart had been tragic now seemed like a sweet memory?

I babble on with questions that have no answers. But I had to ask them, and I could not ask even those close to me... I could only ask the gods in the one way I know best.

And to think, I've fallen in love with the shadow of my heart and soul, my polar opposite. I could never deny her, and yet I never want to. The ability to blanket oneself in the soul of another, to comfort yourself in another's mere presence... it is a rare gift. I have been granted it, and yet, I can only love her, I can bind myself to her, and yet, we are forced to call each other merely friends.

She thinks physical age is a problem, something she won't be able to overcome... but I can't believe that, I can't believe that the smallest stumbling block is the one we cannot pass.

She told me once, that she made her decision, that it was her choice. I know she was right, but I wished that it could be different. I finally got my wish, and left her reeling with regret and me shaking from the action... As 'exciting' as this day was... life can only get more interesting from here on out...