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So today's entry is going to seem a bit topsy turvy, but deal with me while I do my "Thang."

So today I had my next to final exam which happened to be...Brass Methods. Now half of the test was multiple choice and true/false questions. No big deal, really. The second half of the test was the essay part which, on previous tests, I did fairly poorly on. This test however...I was a MACHINE! I just kept writing and writing until my hand was sore. I filled up the entire booklet Mr. Schmidt gave us and honestly, I probably would have done more if I had asked him for a second one. I have a good feeling about it.

After that I went and drove to Daytona so I could buy my Dad's Christmas gift. It cost me almost $300, but now Dad will have that XM satellite radio and portable setup so he can listen to whatever he wants on motorcycle trips. I know he'll like it and now I just have to worry about what to get Mom.

Crap...I need to send out Christmas cards too...Uggh...

Speaking of my parents, they were nice enough to bring me a small Christmas tree when they came up and saw me/went shopping Sunday. Now I've got a little bundle of lights to suck up electricity and look pretty.

OK...Happy times out of the way, it's time for the angsty part of this one (Yes, I'm angsty alot so deal with it because folks, it's Life).

So earlier this year I started letting myself kind of die inside a little more everyday because of trying to get what I wanted in life and the one I thought would give it to me turned out to be an imaginary person. It's honestly something I'm used to, sad as that may be, so I'm used to the hurt. The problem isn't that really that I keep getting hurt by people. I mean, people are who they really are and if it's in their nature to hurt and lie to others, I really can't change that no matter how much I try.

So I keep finding women who are either complete liars and users, taken and uninterested in me or for whatever reason, they just don't want a relationship. Imagine how annoying this is when women tend to tell you what a "Great Guy" you are. It's not like I blame the ones who are taken or not wanting a relationship though. I'm just saying that it's my luck with women.

OK so...Back to the point of my feeling dead inside more and more. Well my recent bad luck with another bad woman mixed with past experiences has me thinking more and more back to my belief that many people in this world won't find love in their life's. I'm satrting to think more and more that I'm one of those people who won't find love. Now, to anyone who knows me, they know that the one and only thing that I ever really want in my life is to love and be loved. So this realization is more than a bit upsetting and saddening.

I'm really desperate to find some kind of companionship in my life because my life has been so lonely for so long and finding the one woman who wants to spend all of her special time with me...It's looking less and less likely.

Yeah...I'm full of angst and being who I am just doesn't help to cure the problem.