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Dear God
Please grant me Your strength to face this trial. It's so hard. I struggle. My God, I struggle so hard. I care so much it hurt and I understand that he need time and stuff since I hurt him too much and my apology no longer fixes everything. Please take everything from me. I can't handle it no more. I am so tempted not to come online anymore just because everything hurt. But I have to get online because I care about the others too. Not only him. I have to depend on Your strength as well as on my friends'. I pray, pray that You shall give him happiness and grant him Your strength too. I cling to the hope. I don't want to see this friendship to fall apart. But I need to find my inner strength to stand on my own feet. I need to find myself again. So God, grand me Your strength and send me one of Your beloved angels. Rather, Jesus Himself. Give me a sign that I am not alone in all of this pain I am under. I struggle so hard not to make myself suffer but... It's not easy when I care so much like this. Even simple things like gifts hurt me. It's so silly of me when I care this much. I understand why it happened the way it did. I regret the things I have done to lead to this situation I am in. I wish that I could rewind the time and did the right thing instead. But I know that I can't sit here and regret everything. It doesn't help at all. Instead, I just have to accept my mistake and learn from it, slowly. I have to take things slowly and remind me that I need to breath. I need to remind myself that I really am not alone. It is not the end of the world. Yes I lost someone very important to me and yes it hurt me so much. It is all my own doing, my own mistake. I have to remind myself that I'm only human. I am not perfect. I have to remember how to breath. I have to remember that it's alright. I will be alright. I miss being his friend. I miss the times we had as friends. Everything's not the same anymore. My beloved Jesus, give me Your strength and Love. I am not alone. Everything will be alright. Please stop crying. It will be alright. I am only human. I make mistakes. I just have to learn from them and show my actions. I have to keep trying. Don't give up. Don't ever give up, alright? I am strong. I can do this. I know I can do this. Everything will be alright. Relax. Now go to bed, sweetheart. I love you. You're really a beautiful girl. Yes you have an a*****e personality and a b***h. Yes you say things very rude and do things very rude but you can change. You have the power to change. The lovely serenity prayer goes something like this: God, grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change; the courage to change things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. In my beloved Savior's name, Jesus Christ. Amen.
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