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I'm dating one of my brother's friends. I thought he was handsome from the first time I met him but I didn't want to do that cliche dating brother's friends thing so I've stayed away until last week. I asked him to hangout because I thought he would only want to be friends. Besides, before that night I didn't know all that much about him so I wasn't hooked. We went frisbee golfing and it was fun. He was super laid back. I asked him to get lunch with me and maybe a drink since we had time and he was cool to hang with. I confessed I thought he was gorgeous and he laughed before kissing me. I had a feeling before that he was interested but I told myself not to hope, it was easier that way. Well, we've been seeing each other pretty much every other day. I sleep over his place a lot. We never have sex but we do mess around. I want to wait until we're officially gf/bf before making that sex move.

I don't sleep well so far when I sleep with him because we stay up too late or he wakes me up. One night in particular I need to vent about. He woke me up in the middle of the night to mess around but I had been deep in sleep. When I woke, I was paralyzed. I could not move or tell him not to touch me or grind up on me. I freaked out because there was nothing I could do. I just wanted to be sleeping. Was this real? How was this happening? When would it be over? The scene keeps replaying in my mind and I'm scared to sleep with him now. I get this weird sleep paralysis sometimes but not very often. I've had to for some of my worst nightmares so you literally cannot do anything. It is a medical condition dealing with the spinal cord synapses not waking up.

It just especially sucks that this is a great guy and all my problem areas are showing super fast. I had a minor flip out filling out dental paperwork because they asked about being hospitalized. I didn't understand why they would need to know that! It's just hard when you don't know the audience or what they will ask you later on.

Last year when I tried to donate blood, I was humiliated. They interrogated me like I was a criminal and looked down on me for being hospitalized. They did not speak to me kindly about how the process would go. Instead they talked around me. They kept me ignorant and then said it was my fault that I could not donate. I like donating and I look forward to being free to do so this year but I'm also scared to sit around while they talk over and around me again. I don't want to have the condescending talk just because I was hospitalized.