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In my dream last night, there was a fancy lunch at my Aunt Kimmi's house. We were talking and somehow there was this imposed thing that I rebelled against. I didn't want to conform and had this huge mental breakdown. I ran outside in the grass and learned I would not be going to Sac State next semester because of my mental state. I would be going somewhere else like Standford or Cornell, some weird a** high society school that could properly help with my mental needs. It was confusing to wake up and think that it could be taken away from me so easily. I hate to think my mental state could keep me from living my life. Truly, it does but I don't have the tools to deal with it on my own yet. I don't know why anyone would expect any more from me...

s**t went down tonight? I turned up my music and ignored it but I'll be hearing about it tomorrow. I'll get the rundown and be asked to take sides. I can't deal with it. I don't want to get wrapped in the drama again. I really just need time to myself. I can't save it every time! I'm seriously scared too that my brother will do something drastic. My mind keeps playing out him killing himself or running away. I... I'm scared. I really don't want to imagine life without him and I've done a lot to protect him as is but he's ******** stubborn. I can't protect him from everything and he wouldn't want it any ******** way. Gods. I'm scared.

Almost everyone from the mafia rp has contacted me and welcomed me back. Most want to be part of the new rp, which is going well. It is really nice to think of them as my special online friends =w= like, we have fun together? I dunno, it's because of people like them that I feel like I fit in someplace special. Don't get me wrong, I fit in with real life people too... just in a different way.

I like listening to The Muppets and Lazytown because it distracts me from the life I know. It is so hopeful, loving, and cheerful that you feel your spirits lift even if you don't want them to. Lol. It's adorable music. I don't care what people thing. Their songs make me happy.