As most of you know, my hair has been falling out at an alarming rate and I've been freaking out. In response to this tragedy, I am taking control of my stress and getting a hair cut. Yes, it sucks that I will no longer be able to play with my hair or attract me, but with wimpy hair there is nothing to really play with and I am in no mood for a new man in my life. I do no foresee any relationships any time soon. In fact, I just told off someone from my past to leave me alone because being around men is poisonous.
I'm still learning how to deal with the emptiness inside of me so I can't be expected to take on a relationship. I can't be expected to think about someone else when I need to learn to support myself. I can't support someone else in that intimate way. I can't soothe someone in that intimate way. I will scratch. I will bite. Back the ******** off.
School isn't really that hard. It shouldn't stress me out. I think the difference is that I am working AND going to school. There are times when I don't get any time to myself and I craaaaave that. I have all this energy that I need to burn but by the time I get this surge, it is too late to workout. I can't use our home stuff cause my dad sleeps down there. I don't have my roleplaying outlet cause my Frech galpal is busy. I don't have threads because no one wants me. I can't join others cause I can't find any that I would want to join. I search. I had not been able to draw until last night so my outputs were severely limited. Now I think I may try to get a scanner again so I can be art buds with Jordan. That would cheer me up.
I'm going to manage my homework better. This should help with the stress/hair problem. Phew.
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Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
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