MY BLOODY BOOK IS GONE.
AGAIN.
HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX, WHERE IN THE HELL DID YOU DISAPPEAR TO THIS TIME?!?!?!
T.T
ok seriously, I gobbled over half of it up in one night, put it down to sleep, and now I can't freaking find it.
HOW BLOODY FAR DOES IT HAVE TO GO?!?!
I even had mom check my room for me... nothing!
... I don't even have an hour's worth of reading left til it'll be finished..... emotion_zombie
in other news, IT'S FAIR TIME!! extremely odd not being involved in it at all this year. no projects, no gates, no foodstand... nothing. it's a glorious feeling, i have to admit xD
this year's fair is the final closure I need. music festival last month also greatly improved things, and the fair (= last year when I was most hurting from the music fest fiasco (or lack thereof), yet most hopeful i could somehow remedy things... obviously, it wasn't. at all. in fact, it just made things worse. that on top of horrid projects and weather made for a VERY sucky fair last year) will continue to give me the retrospect that the fest also gave me (where I am vs. where i was, how big a deal this really wasn't, etc...)
seriously. I didn't know I was hurting this bad that a freaking YEAR LATER I'd still be moaning about it. Perhaps it's the whole mindgame element that's unique to this; I never did like him until he started talking to me (=juvenile reaction, for one), then was crushed more so than I ever have by a simple mis-communication. it wasn't just him, either: there was a backstage pass to a headline band on the line. and I missed it. I just clear missed it. I acted so... juvenile. even the slightest ray of almost-maybe hope that you know is impossible because of age difference, maturity difference (which I was aware of, even then (but more so now)), and just... ick. ick, ick, ick. GROSS DISGUSTING CONFUSING NOTHINGNESS. LEAVE ME ALONE, DAMNIT.
thought: it could also be that this most affected me because it clearly showed how much i've matured, and how little it really is compared to where I think I am. Last year I thought I was on top of the world, yet looking back... yeah. but because of this experience, I can see that even where I am NOW is still to be greatly improved upon, and probably always will be.
word: vision.
yes, that's what's different about this.
and it's almost been a whole year since then.
... time to move on, don't ya think? :]
back to the fair, though... (yay for public journals where you can read what I'd put in a book one if I had that much patience? razz )
karen got two grand champions in her exhibits. not as many projects this year, combined with a much more effective display layout, makes for a very empty 4H building.
foodstand food was good as always. even discovered we can use our cards from last year to get in and schtuff. (fun fact for locals reading this: yeah, they never ever change the season parking/admission/4H tickets. get one, and just keep using it every year... they're not close enough to read the year. razz )
... tired. for some reason, it feels like I've been crying recently, yet I know i haven't.
not even 10:30.
been an interesting day. gonna miss days like this for the rest of my life, i'm sure. fully appreciating how heavenly it is to not be summoned to consciousness by an alarm clock and awaiting obligations, how nice it is to have our own house where I can lounge around watching TV or doing whatever the heck I want.
it fully hit me last night how awesome it is to inhabit a whole entire house, and have the ability to call it home. we use furniture, lounge around, so comfortably, yet it's hard to really, truly appreciate the blessing it is.
think: wow, I'm really lucky.
i have my own... everything. that I can rant and rave that my book is lost, my sheet is wrecked, my clothes are all black.... life is good. no matter how much money hurts, life. is. good.
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