so today...
I feel like s**t.
retreat Friday night/ Saturday was TOTALLY EPIC (IT WAS LIKE A REAL SUMMER CAMMMMPPPP), got back, attempted to do homework, gave up, went to bed, woke up early to start it, went back to bed after halfway finishing one assignment, woke up at 10:45 with a sore throat, stomachache, and the beginnings of a headache.
gonk
&& nothing that's due tomorrow is done.
crazy, crazy, crazy, but i love it. ^^
I'll love it even more once I can take classes other than the requirements... *sigh*
so... slept through breakfast and lunch... huuuungry.
just got back from practicing in a closet for an hour and a half... good way to lose your sanity. xL
Fun is:
suddenly discovering most of your homework completed itself, then having time to go to what I thought was chapel-type stuff then discovering that it really wasn't then having time to watch a Stephen King book-turned-movie with Johnny Depp in it..
:]
still feel like crap, sad to say...
grr.
made a very abstract "magazine cover" for one of my classes.... hehehe. IDGAS.
gonna grow my bangs out, and stay a ginger for awhile longer.
*le sigh* so much.
indecision
irritation
cluelessness
happiness at getting away
sadness at not being far enough
loneliness
constantly.... CONSTANTLY i tell you.
it never ends.
maybe I bring it on myself??
welp, what do I want from college is the first question to be answered.
everything?
more than sitting in the room at 11pm doing NOTHING?!
that's the next lesson up on the queue, I do believe.
or pretty close to the top. :]
think it's all in my head. I'm ill, and I'm getting slightly depressed (which in my case isn't a medical challenge... i've gone through the real s**t without meds; think I'll be fine, thank you very much.) with everything...
but not homesick. xDD
I just wish for something.... more.
more than sitting around all day in the room, more than doing liberal arts homework that no one gives a crap about yet we pay til we're up to our eyeballs in debt for it.
more than just casual acquaintances with the people around me. more than just the passing "hello", maybe I want an invitation to something exciting and fun without having to lurk around to wait to be politely asked to join.
more than faking "talent".
more than this microbubble that I've found myself in.
every person is different; social obligations vary accordingly.
perhaps I'm losing it. perhaps I never had it.
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just watch me.
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