Today Im lonely... I'm not sure why
I've been locked up in a tiny apartment for a wekk now, little human contact, close to nothing to eat, but yet safe from a much worse torture.
Now I'm back at home, everythings seems silent and awkward, after a week of hiding from them,
Even my own friends seem to be encouraging it, leaving me to rott in the blinding whitness of pure
silence.
Theres one thing, one person I cant seem to keep my mind off, in my waking life, in my dreams, everywhere. I think of them all the time, the friends who joined together with me and formed a family. But I cant keep my mind off one person.... its just like before, as if the same nightmare comes and repeats itself every time I fall alseep. The same tragic story, the same thing torturing me, the same people dragging me to my death. And yet I'm thinking of death as if its a pleasant, beautiful thing. Maybe it is. Maybe death is the most beautiful thing I'll ever see. The death of myself, sometimes I imagine myself dying. Different ways, all different sob storys. I think of my family relived of the burden I was, my friends and everyone else close being happy, not having to deal with e always calling and teying to say something to them, even a simple hello always seems to escape my mouth on a bad note, its as if I cant help being hated by anyone and everyone. Everyone I meet seems to start falling apart shortly afterwards, everything I touch I seem to destroy. And I dare go as far as love someone, the poor souls better off never being born. I cant seem to stand lifeanymore, it doesnt seem to have much meaning. We are born, we laugh, we cry, we die. Nothing to it, theres only sadness in the end. As proven to me August 7th, 2011- another year your alive isnt something to celebrate. My supposed "family" showed me its more appropriatly something that is mourned.
I dont know whats going to kill me first..... them.... or myself
Pidgee Community Member 
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