Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Bulbous. Large. Quiet. Strong. Jealousy is terrible. It starts as a small seed, tiny and miniscule inside you. Nothing is ever thought of it; it's just a little envy, right? You wouldn't feel bad about something like this, would you? Of course not.

You didn't think you were jealous. You didn't think, watching her everyday, get better and better, you would feel so envious. You didn't think that you would soon come to dispise that smile, the triumph hidden in it. She is successful. She does things that you would never dream of doing, and you know it. She's your best friend. And you're just her lacky. At least, that's how it is to you. You didn't think you even mattered at some point.

That's right, you didn't.

You didn't think that this little seed would grow and grow, bigger and bigger until it began to creep up inside your body, slowly taking over. It rushes through your blood, runs in your veins and spreads. You can feel it affect you to your very core, your very being. It bulges and sways inside you, moving your thoughts and feelings to its own will. She is all you can think about. Her success. Her smile. The way she notices nothing but herself.

You are jealous.

So finally she confronts you. Has the "caring" side of her decided to show? Give a good go at being a "best friend"? You sneer in her direction, apparently unnoticed by miss perfect.

"What's been going on? I've noticed you've been down, so I got you a present." She sounds like she cares. You almost bark a laugh. Yeah right! She's been so absorbed in her own success, why would she care? You look her in the eye and that jealous builds inside you, growing bigger and bigger, anger surging and churning inside you. Your fingers curl into a fist, raring to smash into her face. She is unaware, and it almost makes you laugh.

You snap something at her and her eyes widen, shock obvious. A cat-like grin appears on your face. Tears fill her eyes and that jealousy feeds off of it, giving you sick pleasure in her sadness. Now who's the best? She runs out the door, dropping something clumsily by the table, in tears. You don't even remember what you said as you stare at what she dropped, a sinking feeling suddenly in your heart.

'To my best friend. Success is best when you're around the rest.'

How cliche. A golden trophy. Her golden trophy, for that contest she entered. She had your name engraved in it. fingers curling around the item, cool to the touch. All that jealousy, all that rage comes seeping out of you, replaced by guilt.

You were jealous. Eyes shrouded, unable to see past that feeling, jealous had you hook, line in sinker. Now that the fog has cleared, you're not sure what to do. No, that's wrong. You know what to do, but will you do it? Collecting all your courage, you drop the trophy with a clatter and head out the door.