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Suicide is one of those topics no one likes to talk about. Everyone has to admit it crosses everyone's mind at some point in time. The thing to worry about is would you actually do it. Driving home today I thought 'you know I could just drive right over this edge and all my problems would be over.' and then I started thinking some more, as I continued to drive, about how the therapist would be like 'do you get these thought often?' and I would be no, just when I've had a rough time and want it to be over. And I thought you know they say suicide the easy way out, but really its not. I think it is normally and impulse thing and you just commit it and then it's over or you lay thinking "well s**t, to late now." because the person commiting suicide has to realize the problem won't just go away because you are dead, that problem is still there, it just someone else's to solve. So really when you kill yourself your leaving everything behind for someone else to clean up. Even though suicidal thoughts cross my mind I know I won't ever act on them. So the question isn't do you get the thoughts it is would you commit suicide? So that is my journal for now. I will come back later at some point in time.

My boyfriends brother killed himself 5 years ago, by jumping from a building. He didn't just jump, he dove to make sure it ended. They said in the end he regretted it, and you could see it on the camera, when they checked for fowl play. I guess you could say. In his last moment, he deliberately put his arms in front of him. Then I have a friend of mine who killed himself after his twin died. He did multiple attempts and failed. He tried cutting up on both arms, he tried by shooting himself in the head and managed to live. Then he took a car 120mph into head-on into a brick wall.

Suicide, is what people say is selfish, which it completley is, but what pushes people over the edge. I mean it has to develop, the people around them have to know. Is there just nothing to bring them back? Is it just hopeless for them? I mean I wonder what brings people to just end it themselves. Most don't want life to end, just there problems. And when they are drowning with no way out, I guess they just decide to end it. I'm not sure. Suicide is one of those things I just don't quite understand, I guess.