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Part 5

I think someone has been reading my journal. Who would it be? Not a human. Shinigami? I hope not. The only reason I've been keeping this journal is that I'm still trying to deal with what has happened. I usually hide it in my sock drawer .I came home from work and found it on my nightstand. Then the next day, it was in the kitchen. I also noticed that the bottle of sake was empty. I only use for it cooking. This started a week after I met with Mr. Urahara. Whoever is doing this please stop. You are really freaking me out!! Please stop moving it around , I don't want anyone else to know about me other than the few that do.

Or maybe more people or shinigami (I have a hard time thinking of them as people since they are death gods.) know than I'd like. I still don't know who else other than myself or maybe Mr. Urahara can sense spirits . As far as I know he's a human. I still feel a sense of loneliness due to being different. I get along well with my co workers at the library and at the hospital. But I feel I'm alone here in Karakura town when it comes to this curse. I don't like what I am but I don't know anything else. Would my life be any better if I didn't have them? I probably wouldn't have moved here. I might have accepted the job in Sapporo instead? Would I have become a librarian? Would have become a research scientist like I wanted to when I was 14?

Things changed so much when I became this way. I might have continued with my archery . I loved it so much. I still have my bow and arrows my mother gave me on my 5th birthday. She taught me so much. My sister is pretty good. My brother was more interested in karate like my dad. She was sad when I stopped. I feel I disappointed her ,though she never said anything. She told me once it was a family tradition in her family. She lost contact with her father when she married my dad.
Me and my siblings were always closer to my dad's side of the family. My dad has two older siblings. Seiji is 3 years older and Haruna is 10 minutes older (my dad is a twin)than him. Plus their families and my grandparents. I found out later that my mother's father died the year I was 15. I found an article that he was found in his home and had died by strange circumstances. Maybe it's inherited instead of what I was told. I may never find out .

My mom has never talked all that much about her family . Except once or twice when I asked her why she named me Saya. She said that Saya means "swift arrow" and it was her mothers name. My mom's name is Mayumi which means"true bow"
I wish I knew more about my mother's family. I feel sad for my mom that she lost both her parents and that they weren't able to meet me ,Setsuna, and Ryo. Would things be different if I had known them?Who were they? What were their names? Does my mother have any siblings? Do I have cousins? What happened ?