Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

gaia makes me more free,makes me feel secure. you know;i cant keep a closed cage anymore. I have to vent everything out or I feel like s**t and suicidal. Yes, suicidal..I have problems...actually. My family history gave me problems. I want to be what you want me to be. I want to be whatever makes you happy. I want the world to live a peaceful life. my religion is about peoples happiness and how to live my life the right way. In my eyes I see right.
I will be myself until I die. I will pass on what I feel about church and god..I will do everything on my life, to make people understand reality more than they think..Maybe they can share with me about their opions on what I write..I wish people did..Instead of just reading them..
I'm scared of myself..im a demon..im a monster.My mom called me the devils child:
Only because I was spossed to be born 9-9-92 My mom didn't want a devil for a child so She had a C-section early..Come to find out, I was being choked by my own umbilical cord. I was almost dead until the doctors saved me.9992..6662 upside down I feel like death wanted me, because it didnt want me born on that date, thats what i believe anyway. I started thinking about my life and this is what it came up to. I don't like churches.. im cheating death every day
its going to gets revenge on me someday
I believe in my own beliefs about god. What if god was so upset with us because man disobeyed god? We're all meant for hell and jesus thought he could save us by saracficing himself..well he made a mistake because he couldnt keep a secret
so he was murdered by humans from their selfishness..God i guess watched..What if god was the wind. No voice just air. You feel it and it's with you and watching your every move to see if you ******** up. god i believe has no gender. Its not a he or a she
its just a spirit everyone goes to church..just so they can pray to go to heaven and pray for their life or for others life, god doesnt make life or death choices its fate.
*thats what i believe that is what i think, I dont go by others rules i go by my rules because i know i am normal
god may not accept me ..but I let fate will choose where i belong
if i go to hell..even tho theres no hell..only in mind
reality is hell
death is heaven
when you die, its like a forever sleep
thats heaven
*when your alive and not enjoying what you have..thats hell
*when your suicidal and want to go to heaven(death) thats hell
*when you live your life to the fullest and try to find the things to love..its hell but your one step closer to heaven
~to peace
*its not about pain and agony..its not about fences and god welcoming you
*its about how you choose to live your life
*what you want to do with it and where it takes you
*theres no turning back or it all goes away
*keep your common sense close..and keep your touch of experiance with you at all times
*thats all i have to say from that speech