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Wishful Thinking
I had my presentation yesterday, after which I passed out because I ate too much and didn't sleep the night before XD but it was really epic because I talked about her and everyone was impressed. They thought I was courageous to talk about it and share that part of myself. Apparently they didn't know that I could be like that or that something like that had happened to me. I told them a little too much by talking about my period but they kinda laughed about it so it was alright. I neither feel relief nor regret after talking about it. They told me that I should share the story elsewhere but I think that everyone experiences the kind of things I've gone through. The things they don't, I didn't share with them. I cut out the hallucinating stuff and details about the break-up as well as the suicide stuff. The one thing I never ever wanted to say but the words escaped my lips, was to reveal things about my family. My mother and father were never there. They drove us around but at home they just wanted to eat dinner and watch tv for a bit then go to bed. We didn't talk and they didn't help with homework unless it was the day before it was due. The only real talking we had was in the car or about nagging us to do something. My brother isolated himself from us in high school and the taped face from day of silence really was how he felt in the house, like he had no voice. He told us straight to our faces that was why he had done that. ******** guys, I never wanted to say that s**t cause.... it's not like they were trying to be like that. It's not like they didn't love me or treat me well. In fact, we did a lot of fun things together... we just never talked. I needed someone to talk to... and she was the only one at the time so I can't blame myself for talking about her. It was really cool that I didn't even need to say her name during the presentation because I think I might have cried if I did. And another cool thing was that I actually went in order of the three ways to lose a person. I'm not going to post my speech because, it's personal. I don't want all of you ******** looking at it. C: I'll share other parts of me from my anger to my pain but not this.... this was special and unless you ask me, I won't share.
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