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oh dear lord what have I done? On Monday I told the guy I liked that I liked him!

Ok so I know what i've done but still- this is NUTS! I mean i've liked the guy for four years now- count them 1, 2, 3, 4! SINCE SEVENTH GRADE! Now betwwen then and now, I've been his pal. Someone to talk to about stuff, someone to goof around with, and I liked that so why do I now say, "I like you."

I didn't really plan on telling him- it just kind of happened! I mean I went to lunch an I was checking if I had everything in my arms for class and then my friend's like, "oh my god, look!" And there he is sitting at MY lunch table! Already I'm nervous. so we suffled around our seats to I can sit next to him. So I don't really talk to him and then my friend says, "You should tell him now!"

I'm denying it to no end but the idea can't get out of my head. So I get an idea that I'll get his opinion on it first! I called him over and said "Hey, I'm working up the courage to tell the guy that I like that I like him. But I need a guy's opinion, so- If I told you that I like you- what would you say?"

He's ok with this question and has no idea that I like him so he's eating the pudding that I made my friends give up to him- I owe them like a buck each now ^^" - and says "Well, I'd be shocked, because you and me have been friends for a while."

"Well I've been firends with this guy for a while now too." I added.

Vag: (that's me and my friend's code name for him)"Ok ok, well yeah-"

Me: "So what should I do to make him more aware that I like him?"

Vag: "Be nice to him."

Me: "But I'm always nice, it's me- you know that."

Vag: "Yeah but like if there's only only piece of gum left you give it to him, get it?"

I nod. Here's where i'm a total moron. Me: "Okay, I'll tell you who I like if you promise not to tell anyone and if you promise not to go all crasy- like 'what the hell' ok?"

He nods.

The moment of doom. I pause: "I like you."

His eyes went wide and he had a cute silly grin and said, "Wow, that's shocking... Well it IS me."

I started laughing so much because my friend and I were certain he'd say something like that if I ever told Vag that I liked him. I sooo saw that coming a mile away!

My friend who was listening in looked at me like what have I done and I nodded. She started cursing and that itself was funny, but then Vag just then started to just talk with me like nothing had happened. Later I thanked him for not wigging out or anything and he said, "That's ok, you're my firend, I wouldn't do that to you."

And I hugged him. The news spread like wildfire in my group of friends and they were hugging me and saying how proud of me they were- like I was getting married or something!

Either way now I've only seen him like four times over the last two days. This is crazy, I think about him more now that I've told him then I did before! OMG I'm such an idiot! Now I can't talk to him. I mean I should and my friends say so too but I'm afriad of what he's gonna say- and it's not like I see and talk to him daily, though I wish I could.

I mean, yes he's a bit self-centered, like he's the greatest thing since sliced bread, but I still like him. I'm not sure why I couldn't explain it if someone really asked me. It's like well- he's so sweet sometimes and be really curious about something and he's sooo freakishly smart! I love having long conversations with this guy because he can be so brillant. And Vag has like no inscurities that I know of. I mean he'll just say what's on his mind and wear it on his sleeves for the world to see! I admire that so much because some times I can't do that. I just love listening to him too. Like most of the time I'll be the one in the group talking, I talk a mile and minute sometimes and I like to talk- but when Vag talks, I'm quiet. I'll listen to every word and- yeah it's just so unreal.

And he has the stupidest system called 'Cool points.' Of course he has like 100 and the higher you are to 100 the cooler you are. Last time I checked I had like 92 because I was going to carry his books when he said he wanted someone to do so and he wouldn't let me have them. He's like, "Wait, you were actually gonna do it?" I shrugged and said yeah. Vag: "Oh wow, I've been asking everyone to do this all day and no one took them! That's it you've got 2 more cool points."

A few weeks ago I was hanging out with him and we were sliding on teh ice. Two of my firneds who knew I liked him were saying. "Why don't YOU try again?" I was scared to go slide on the ice but Vag was gonna catch me so of course I tried it. One friend was directing Vag saying, "Now if she FALLS- CATCH HER."

And I did fall! ^^ And he caught me! And vag said, "dont' worry I got you." I was having so much fun! I was smiling so much that my gums were freezing. I fell twice by accident and once on porpose- which he saw right through. he said "How'd you do that? You came to a complete stop and then you just fell!"

I wasn't about to argue and muttered something to the effect of, "the ice is slippery." I was even considering THEN to tell him...

But now what? I made eye contact with him today- but I can't talk to him. One of my firends said that the ball is in his court now. But I know he doesn't feel the same way... I can't even date yet, I'm not allowed so why'd I go and tell him? My friend said that I should talk to him and ask him to hang out but I'm really nervous. I guess I should- oi I'm an idiot. I just really like the guy- I wish I knew how he felt. I'm gonna ask him to the prom regardless next year, friend or anything else I what to stand around him.

Ok. That's it for the Vag-a-thon of today.I might talk to him tomorrow- and I'm really scared about that. Wish me luck! heart