~ My IM with Josh ♥ ~
Lavi
o-o [10:32 PM]
Me
Hmm? [10:32 PM]
Lavi
<--- Josh [10:33 PM]
Me
--->Kristal? [10:33 PM]
Lavi
Does it say DarksideDragoon*komen on yours? [10:33 PM]
It should [10:33 PM]
Me
No, just "Lavi". [10:33 PM]
Lavi
Mm [10:33 PM]
I was clarifying because there's a 90% chance you wouldn't know who I was if it said DarksideDragoon [10:34 PM]
Me
0%. I only have your email throughout my contacts. [10:35 PM]
Lavi
Mm [10:35 PM]
Well, are you upset or something? [10:35 PM]
You're kind of acting like it [10:35 PM]
Not trying to be rude, though [10:35 PM]
Me
No, not upset. Just tired and not really "happy". I'm doing okay. [10:36 PM]
Lavi
Mostly considering the total lack of faces and humor : [10:36 PM]
Anyways, what's been going on with you? [10:37 PM]
Me
Drama, drama, drama...and well, did I mention drama? [10:37 PM]
Lavi
No, you didn't. [10:37 PM]
Well, my life's turned into a soap opera [10:37 PM]
So I get the drama thing [10:38 PM]
How do you figure, anyways? [10:39 PM]
Me
What do you mean? [10:39 PM]
Lavi
What's the drama about? [10:39 PM]
<ding> [10:40 PM]
Me
Woops sorry. [10:40 PM]
Erm, love, school, friends...the usual. v.v [10:40 PM]
Lavi
It's fine. I'm in a very upset and impatient mood right now [10:41 PM]
So basic teenage life getting you down? [10:41 PM]
Basically* [10:41 PM]
Me
Yup. Something being a teen is just annoying. [10:41 PM]
*Sometimes [10:41 PM]
Lavi
Mmm [10:41 PM]
I find life in general annoying [10:42 PM]
Me
Really? Well I'm sort of leaning on that idea too. [10:42 PM]
Lavi
My best friend and love interest from a couple years back got into heroine and decided she was a burden and tried to kill herself [10:43 PM]
She crippled herself for the rest of her life. [10:43 PM]
And I'm never legally allowed to meet her again [10:43 PM]
Me
I see. Well then I would totally agree with you. Life is annoying. [10:43 PM]
Lavi
I actually take it back [10:44 PM]
Me
Hmm...I see. Well I don't. [10:44 PM]
Lavi
MY life, in and of itself, is the incarnation of hell [10:44 PM]
Me
Oh..that's just wonderful. <--sarcastic in case you couldn't tell. [10:45 PM]
Lavi
And I slightly blame myself for the drama in your life... I really love you, and being loved BY you was the only thing that lifted my spirits at all. [10:46 PM]
But you don't love me anymore, so meh [10:46 PM]
Don't deny it, either [10:46 PM]
: [10:46 PM]
Me
*pats your head* If you ever need someone to rant about your problems, feel free to come talk to me. I'm perfectly able to take anger, distress, and whatever. And I honestly don't think that you love me. That's what I thought back then so I moved on. [10:47 PM]
Lavi
You really don't think that I love you? You're dead wrong. I love you more than anything, and you may just as well have just shot me in the gut. Bye. [10:48 PM]
-Lavi is offline. You can send Lavi an email- (10:48 PM)
Me
I wonder if I'm blocked. If so, than typing this is pointless but I'll say it anyways. I honestly don't think you love me. We haven't talked in ages and every time I talk to you, I do nothing to help. I can't see why would you feel that way towards me. [10:50 PM]
-Lavi is Available - Boom. Headshot.- (10:51 PM)
Lavi
*sigh* You really don't get it. [10:52 PM]
I did that to see if you would respond in such a way to prove me wrong [10:52 PM]
But you don't [10:52 PM]
And you didn't [10:52 PM]
Me
I'm confused... [10:52 PM]
Lavi
I love you no matter what, because you're always there for me, no matter what, and you will never try to blame things on me, NO MATTER WHAT. 10:53 PM
I already blame myself for everything, and I don't need other people adding to it to remind me of it. [10:53 PM]
Me
I see. I know you probably won't believe me but when you suddenly left like that, it hurt...I started to cry... [10:54 PM]
Lavi
Actually I didn't leave. I'm just not normally on past 11 anymore. [10:54 PM]
Me
Right now...I meant. [10:55 PM]
Lavi
Mm. [10:55 PM]
I can't believe it, anyways, because I honestly think that now all you want to do is hurt me. [10:55 PM]
Me
Really? And why would I want to do that? [10:56 PM]
Lavi
Because when someone was talking to me, they told me that you thought I was just mongering your love and trying to take advantage of you, and that you were starting to hate me for it. [10:57 PM]
That someone was a little voice in my head, and so far, it's ruined my life. [10:58 PM]
Me
I could never hate you. You're one of my best friends here. I remember almost everything that we've discussed. You arm, your friends, that comedian guy that you love so much =3. There's no reason to hate you. [10:59 PM]
Lavi
Yes there is. [10:59 PM]
There is so much you don't know about me that would make you hate me forever. I'm never there when you need me, and you always get hurt by something I do somehow. [11:00 PM]
I don't deserve to be talking to you at all. [11:00 PM]
But I was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, and I looked at my computer and saw you got on. I immediately got up, because if I have a chance to talk to you, ******** everything else. [11:01 PM]
That may mean nothing to you [11:01 PM]
But to me it's incredibly important. [11:01 PM]
Me
Geez, I don't hate you. I really don't. And to be honest, I thought you've gotten sick and tired of me. I was never able to talk to you and we haven't talked in...in forever. Josh, I could NEVER hate you so don't even think that for one second. [11:02 PM]
Lavi
I can't believe it. [11:03 PM]
As much as I want to, I can't. [11:03 PM]
Me
Then don't. I won't force you. But what I'm saying is the truth, whether you believe it or not. [11:03 PM]
Lavi
What I do believe is that you need to hate me, because no matter how much it hurts me, you have to have a good life. Live well, grow old well, and die well. [11:05 PM]
(Favorite quote, from Bleach) [11:05 PM]
Me
Are you leaving me? [11:05 PM]
Lavi
Only if you want me to. [11:05 PM]
If not [11:05 PM]
Me
Don't leave me. Please. [11:05 PM]
Lavi
I'll be here until you chase me out with a knife. [11:05 PM]
Me
Hehe, that's pretty cute. -^-^- It's what I love about you. [11:06 PM]
Lavi
Meh... [11:06 PM]
Still not in the mood [11:06 PM]
I'm as depressed as I've been in years. [11:06 PM]
Me
Me either. But I made an effort to be a bit more cheerful. [11:07 PM]
Lavi
You've achieved what I can't, then. [11:07 PM]
Just please... for the sake of God... be happy... [11:08 PM]
I probably need to wrap up... I'm crying so ******** hard right now. [11:09 PM]
Me
You going to bed now? [11:09 PM]
Lavi
If you want me to stay, I will [11:09 PM]
Me
Really you will? I'm so glad...I feel a bit relieved actually. [11:10 PM]
Lavi
Do you want me to stay or go? [11:10 PM]
Me
Stay...but if you're sleepy, please sleep. [11:11 PM]
Lavi
I'll stay for you. [11:11 PM]
But I have to ask you one thing [11:11 PM]
Do you still believe I don't love you? [11:11 PM]
Me
Well I believe a bit more than before...but it's just...I'm a person that finds it hard to believe someone could love me... [11:13 PM]
Lavi
That's fine. I can't ask you to believe me or love me. But I do ask you to forgive me. [11:13 PM]
Me
Forgive for what? [11:14 PM]
Lavi
For almost, just now, picking up this knife and doing something with it I would regret. [11:14 PM]
Me
Don't hurt yourself Josh...please. I forgive you just don't do it again. If you leave right after this, my chest will hurt even more. [11:15 PM]
Lavi
Oh, I've already cut myself up very badly in the past few days out of depression, but I was about to kill myself. [11:16 PM]
And I was going to make it as painful as I could, so I could drown out all the things I've had to deal with recently. [11:17 PM]
Me
Idiot! Don't do it! Don't die... [11:17 PM]
Lavi
Don't call me an idiot please, that's one of my pet peeves. And I can't promise you I won't die [11:19 PM]
But one reason I wanted you to hate me [11:19 PM]
Is because I don't want you to miss me. [11:19 PM]
Me
I'll miss you no matter what. And I can't hate you. [11:20 PM]
Lavi
Still don't buy it. For the umpteenth time, I can't make myself believe it, no matter how much I want to. The only thing I can believe is that when I'm gone, you'll be happy and successful. [11:21 PM]
Ugh... [11:21 PM]
Me
I won't be happy if you're gone. You're already one of my best friends and I can't bear to think of you in pain, much less trying to kill yourself. [11:22 PM]
Lavi
I'm sorry Kristal. I have to cut. I'll be back later. [11:22 PM]
-Lavi is offline. You can send Lavi an email- (11:22 PM)
Me
Ah, good night Josh! Don't you dare do something that would hurt! [11:23 PM]
-Lavi is Available - Boom. Headshot.- (11:23 PM)
Lavi
Give me a chance to leave before you say something [11:24 PM]
And @ the "don't you dare do something that would hurt"... [11:24 PM]
I'm going to go cut myself. Do you NOT understand this? [11:24 PM]
Now goodbye. [11:24 PM]
-Lavi is offline. You can send Lavi an email- (11:24 PM)
Me
I'll wait until your done then... [11:25 PM]
Lavi
Back 11:34 PM
- Lavi is Available - Boom. Headshot. - (11:34 PM)
Me
Ah, welcome back! [11:34 PM]
Lavi
Thanks... [11:35 PM]
Me
No problem... [11:35 PM]
Lavi
I'm probably gonna need to go soon, though [11:35 PM]
Blood makes me incredibly sleepy. [11:35 PM]
I'll stay for a bit, though [11:36 PM]
Me
I see, well when you do go, I hope I can talk to you later. Last time I said that and hadn't talked to you for about 2 weeks. [11:36 PM]
Lavi
Well... that's a long story. [11:36 PM]
I actually had to go back to the mental hospital for trying to kill myself by drug overdoes [11:37 PM]
overdose* [11:37 PM]
Me
Ah, I see. Once again, I find out after this sort of thing happens. [11:37 PM]
Lavi
It's not like I can tell you beforehand or during which. [11:38 PM]
It's on an impulse I do it. [11:38 PM]
Me
Yes, I know. I just wish I could've at least tried to do something to help during that time instead of just listening about the recent past. [11:38 PM]
Lavi
Knowing you, you would have freaked out about it. [11:39 PM]
Me
. . .You're right. . . [11:39 PM]
Lavi
I'd rather have you thinking I just stopped caring than having you know I cared and died. 11:39 PM
Me
Well you did accomplish that then... [11:40 PM]
Lavi
See, it involves you being in much less pain,.' [11:40 PM]
Me
Either way, it still hurts though... [11:41 PM]
Lavi
Can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself, I suppose. [11:41 PM]
(Referring to a 60s song) [11:41 PM]
Me
I had to read that 3 times before that made sense to me...^^" [11:42 PM]
Lavi
Meh... [11:42 PM]
I'm going to bed now. [11:42 PM]
Me
Ah, good night! [11:43 PM]
I made it...finally. ^^" [11:43 PM]
Lavi
I love you to death, whether you believe me or not. [11:43 PM]
And even if you don't give a s**t, you're my world. [11:43 PM]
Remember that the next time you lose hope in me. [11:43 PM]
I'm joking, there, kind of... [11:44 PM]
But goodnight. [11:44 PM]
Note: If you read this, please leave a comment. Also, this is my friend Josh King.
Please don't say anything bad about him. He's really sweet.
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