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I don't know what to do anymore...I mean I feel like im depressed in a weird way. I mean im not going to go slit my wrists or anything but I feel sad around others. The reason being that I feel this right now is hearing another girl tell these drinking stories or stories about her weekend in general.

I could only sit and stare becuase I had no funny stories or anything to contribute, its my own damn fault for being anti social...I don't want to be anti social but, thats how I am. I wish someone could help me...I really do

ha ha ha it just came to me. Im needy to be needed, ha ha ha I can only laugh at how sad and pathetic that sounds.

.....Another thing that was strange. I'm sill in school working in robotics on out robot (which is going o-k btw) when I passed the chappel. As you might already know I am not that religious of a person but I have an disire to sit in one of the chairs or need in the middle of the isle. The whole room was dark with only the cross across (lol) the room visiable. A spotlight was just pointing stright down into the asile, and for a moment it struck me as beautiful.
Not as in just looks but it made me feel serienty. I felt at peace for a second, so I made sure no one was there to ask wtf I was doing, I bowed my head and knees a bit and whispered "Take care of my grandfarther" Did the sign of the cross twice and left.

I want to go back even now just to sit in the dark comforting room, but I don't want anyone to question why Im there....becuase even I don't know.

Why am I being so emotional now? I mean now I know what I was feeling earlier and it was uslessness. I mean I don't do half the s**t that others do so the people who used to depend on me for advice slowly slipped away untill poof.

No one could ask me what its like to have a boyfriend, whats sex like, whats weed like, hell I can't even tell them how a highschool party is like! I haven't been to one in all 4 of my years!....I wasn't invited. Robotics only relieved me of this feeling for a short time becuase they needed everyone and as time went on as everyone trained for certain jobs...I was needed less and less untill the point that their working atm and Im here being stupid and frustrated with these emotions.

I don't know how to feel anymore, or what to do...I just want to snuggle in my blanket in the chappel I talked about, and sit theie blank, not a single thing gong through my mind.

I want to remain there and sleep the night away....