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-The Phantoms Plague- Chapter#1
The Phantoms Plague-

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Chapter 1: The New Fellow 

Silloutte figurines huddling over an open fire. A man walks past by the huddled group. "Who's that strange creature?" The crowd stared at the man. The man wearing a dark cloak, a long hat, a pair of midnight boots with heels, and a silver mask that shined when he passes a street light. One of the people who was in the huddled crowd walked out and into the street. A strange female. She looked like a reject who was wearing a wedding dress. It was ripped and torn. She still had a teara with one diamond stud. She ran out on the street looking for him. Running with her dirty heels across a street light. She had dirty blonde hair with gray eyes. Her name was Clarie. "Where are you?" she yelled out on the empty street. "Huh?! Where are you? Show yourself!" She paused and looked at the nearest lake. "Wow." She whispered to herself. "Its so beautiful." She walked over and sat on the bench alone. Clarie sighed and took off her necklace that was shaped like a heart. She opended the locket and stared at it. Clarie started to cry and choked when she saw her husband that left her alone. He was a bussiness man. Made alot of money selling airplanes that was old and rusted. Until one day, he wanted to fly an old plane on the day of their wedding. Clarie got worried and rode on the plane with him. They rode together until, they reached 20 feet in the air. Clarie grabbed the parachute and jumped out. The man was still in the plane. He crashed the plane down and burned to death. Clarie cried. She regreted taking the parachute and jumping out. She wanted to stay in the plane and die with her husband. But, she didn't. The flashbacks got to her and she bursted tears. Clarie and John. It was carved on the locket. Clarie closed the locket and got up and walked away from the lake. She walks slowly, limping in pain. "Why do I have to suffer?.... Why?" Clarie walks and out of no where she hears foot steps. She turns around and she sees the man that walked through the crowd of people. She gasps and she runs away. Clarie keeps running faster and faster until, the strange man found her where she stopped. "Who are you?" The man asked. Clarie was shocked. "I'm..-" "Who... Are you?" The man asked and got closer to Clarie. "....Why do you care?" Clarie yelled at him. He grabbed her by the neck and commanded her to give her name. "Let go of me!" Clarie yelled.  "Never! I want to know who you are!" The man said. Clarie sighs. "I'm Clarie. And, you are?" The man looked at her. "I'm Phantom."
Clarie looked at the man and she noticed a mask on his face.  "Whats the matter? You never seen a man with a mask before?" He reached to his mask with his leather gloves. "Its metal, Clarie. Not plastic." Clarie looked away. Phantom looked at her closely. "Hey Clarie." "What?" She repiled. "You wana see whats behind my mask?" Phantom asked. "No thank you... I better be heading back to my home." Clarie said, quietly. "In that craphole? You look like an elegant girl. What happended to you?" Phantom asked.
Clarie paused and stared at Phantom and turned away. "None of your concern." Clarie walks away from Phantom and he touches her shoulder. "What's the matter? What happended?" "It's nothing..... Leave me alone." Clarie moves away from Phantom. "Well.... Tell me." Clarie bursts into tears. "YOU WANT TO KNOW?!?" She rips her necklace off and throws it at Phantom. He looks at it closley. He opens it and stares at the pictures. "Is that your husband?" Clarie got quiet and whispered. "He was." Phantom got silent. "Oh... Sorry to hear that." Clarie sat down on the curb on the street. "Yea. Died in an airplane crash." Everything got silent. "....You want your necklace back?" Phantom handed her necklace back to her glently. Clarie looked at the man and they both get caught staring at each other.

Chapter #2: The Wind Whispers 

COMING SOON 3nodding


                 






User Comments: [2]
Archers Paradox
Community Member





Sat Nov 21, 2009 @ 08:37pm


that dosent make sense you cant jump out of a plane that 20 feet in the air you wouldnt be able to deploy the parachut in time although you would proably live. And crashing at that height most likly would'nt kill you. if you think about it 20 feet is nothing. You usally dont die of burning to death in an airplane crash your usually dead from impact. 20 feet is probably the first floor of our school i could fall the far and live. 200 feet would make a little more sense (altough not really). and why would he be selling an old rusted airplane that dosent make sense niether dose the beginning. and why did she jump out in the first place? and "reject looking" is a poor adjective. And who grabs someone by the neck just to find out there name? "She wanted to stay in the plane and die with her husband. But, she didn't." you already said that your being redondent. "You wana see whats behind my mask?" Phantom asked." you made this character mysterious and him giving himself up so easily seems stupid. The dialoge need to be developed its amutuer at best.

All in all it seems like a good storyline just alot more details and mistakes and devopments need to be made, as a writer you owe it to you audience to review severel times before posting it the masses.

check out a much better and longer story in my journal: The Midnight Scroll


Velossa Deceit
Community Member





Sat Nov 21, 2009 @ 09:36pm


Lmao. sorry if my 1st chapter isn't good D: im working on chapter #2 now. I kinda rushed on chapter 1. razz im making chapter #2 more detailed and crap. Obviously John died in an airplane crash and Clarie and Phantom are obviously in love. razz


User Comments: [2]
 
 
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