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I hate you so much, I hate myself.
I hate you so much, I hate myself.
I did have a wayyyyyyyy cooler blog/journal to post but no I had to go and press a button that erased everything!!! So Im going to try posting what I remember.
Wow it's been months since my last blog...Wow....I fail...Epically. At least my job doesn't depend on me blogging or whatever. Anyway it's early morning (if I say how early Bubbles is gunna get mad at me) and I can't sleep. Why? Because if I sleep then everything that has happened in the last bunch of hours is all real and if I don't sleep (for right now anyway) it won't be real in my head. Yes I realize how ******** up that sounds but it makes sense in my head.
So my mom comes home from work at 5pm and is all fustrated and whatever then blames her "project manager" for it when it's really because she found my gentic dad on facebook. So then she takes my brother to "work" and calls every five minutes because she's worried that Im not okay with everything.
Well I guess I wasn't really "okay" with everything or anything because in a span of like two or three hours I puked like five times and resisted the temptation to run away or cut open veins. (Kudos for not cutting like the emo b***h I am on the inside)
So well in those hours that I was alone (with the dog of course) I kept thinking how could it have been so easy for him to find me or me to find him (not that I wanted to find him...EVER) and he just simply didnt.
Well mom and brother come home and she hands me a piece of paper with numbers on it saying that if I want to I should call him or whatever and he says if brother or I want to call him to call or some s**t.
I want to call and ask "how can you wake up everyday of youre pathetic waste of skin life and say I don't have two children that I havent seen in years?" wait for my answer then say "I hate you and wish you were dead" then hang up
It's sickening how much I hate him. I hate him so much it makes me physically sick and I start hating myself for hating him.
I think that's all I can right anymore. Im too emotionally drained to think.
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