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Ehh, well people i broke down last night around 1 Am. I was talking to my friend andrea when i did so. lucky me lol because if it werent for her right now i would look like a ******** christmas ham (Carved up). What i came to realize is the fact i do feel as if i need to leave sam and shannon was the fact of Alex. For those of you whom may not know, alex was the first boy i ever fell in love with and still to this day i have a love that will never be replaced. he hurt me more than once. I was angry with sam because of a surpressed feeling of guilt and pain for alex. that i havent thought of in forever. I felt as if i could just get closure from him, thinking yeah maybe this boy can replace alex for me. he has made me feel love, but not the same kind as alex. i personally believe this type of love may never come again. But That doesnt mean i dont love sam. i love him in the best way possible. Alex hurt me. and im steal healing even after we had quit talking i know it would have been 1 year and 3 months the 18th of this month. which was a long time. i still love him. i love Sam. I have had trouble though moving on away from alex after him. because i had a fear to love again. a fear that everyone will do me like this. like i couldnt trust anyone since him. but ive found some wonderful people these past couple of weeks. so people when i broke down be glad that the phone was closer than a Knife/Razor.

Much love

Jeffree Tyler.