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I keep trying to submerge myself in the plays and Shakeaspear to keep my mind busy.
I'm such a horrible person sometimes, I get greedy and selfish.Some people say I need to be like that more often but they always are the ones who get angry the fastest when I actually do something I wanna do and stand up for it. *Sighs*
There's just so little going on right now that It makes me ponder the unthinkable and that makes me sick to my stomach. the fact that I'm not supported in a lot of this makes me edgy. I know that I shouldn't care and that I should keep a brave face and that it's better to be optomistic and all but not having approval is a bad feeling, expesially when you had to fight for it once before and now that you have it you don't know what to do about the other person not having it.....Yes, I know that's all rather vauge and all but It's such a weird feeling.
To know that I have a few people behind me out of the group I usually have all the time and I feel so open. I wonder what the other half of this feels and if there supported or not.
It's just.....I can feel my security net kinda ebbing and it's distressing.
I'll hang in there like always and probably end up crying as I usually do at some point and be like,"Why the hell am I crying? What is this?!" and cheer myself up by watching Lagann and screaming along with Kamina...Like I did last time....come to think of it I think I do something along those lines each time I get stressed out....
Wow....Sorta sad now at my own pathetic nature....
Meh.
"Who the hell do you think I am!"