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1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry b*****d who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words to explain it to your dumb a**

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy a**.

9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".