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Dally was riding the Hogwarts Express to Hogwarts with her best friend Edwart Cullen. She had just found out she was a witch and a vampire with Edward and now they were going to school to train to be better.
“Edward do you miss Bella?” I asked
“Grr I don’t want to talk about Bella” Edward said
“Oh are you guys fighting?” I asked.
“She is just being a c**t!!” he yelled “She thinks I like you… um I mean…”
“Why would she say that?” Dally asked.
“Um well uh”
KNOCK KNOCK!!! Suddenly there was a sound at the door of the trolly
“I am going around with candy would you like to buy someone?” came the voice from the door.
“YES COME IN” yelled Edward, he wanted a distraction.
The door slid open and in came a boy with big spiky black hair and black clothes and he had his arm wrapped up.
“My name is Hiei” he said, “I am selling these candies to pay for my trip to Hogwarts…” he showed them the tray and there were Burties Botts and Candy Frogs with cards on them.
Edward noticed that Dally was staring at Hiei and growled “We aren’t interested go away.”
“Oh okay” Hiei said “WAIT”
“I am would like to buy some Buties Botts!” said Dally enthusiastically and smiling. She reached for some and touched hands with Hiei… Edwad grred.
“Oh um well… that will be… okay well it is free for you!” Hiei said he was flustered because he touched hands with Dally. He thought she was very cute.
“THANK YOU!” said Dally.
Hiei left and Dally began to ate the beans.
“So do you like that guy?” Edward asked.
“Of course, he gave me free food! He is very nice” Dally said happy.
Suddenly they arrived at Hogwarts and uncame from the train.
They were greeted by a big wizard with a long white bear and a pointy hat and he said, “Come students, follow me to the great hall and we will eat and get you sorted!”
Dally and Edward got into a boat and went into the Great Hall with Dumbeldore. They sat down at a table coincidentally right next to there friend from the ship Hiei! Dally was also sitting next to a black and red hedgehog.
“My name is Shadow” said the hedgehog.
Edward began to grr again. “Why are you all talking to Dally he said?
“Calm down…” said Dally “He is my best friend, he gets a little territorial sometimes.”
“Oh okay” said Shadow.
“Aight!” said Dumbledore “I will now sort you into the hat”
One by on each of the students (and hedgemice because there are some sonic characters) came up to the sorting hat. It told poems for the houses: there is Gryffindor, Huffelpuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin.
“Edward Cullen…..” said the hat, “SLYTHERING!”
Edward put on a silver and green scarf and sat down a table at the end. He winked at Delly as if to say “Come to my house”
“Shadow…. SLYTHERIN!”
Shadow put on a silver and green scarf and sat down next to Edward. “Gee I hope she gets Slytherin” thought Shadow.
“Hiei….. SLYTHERIN!”
Hiei put on a silver and green scarf and sat down next to Shadow and Edward. He could not stop grazing at Dally…
Now it was Dally’s turn. “DALLY” called the hat. She was beckoned and so went up. The boys did a drumroll with their feet.
“RAVENCLAW!”
Dally’s face fell off.. she could not believe it! The boys looked so disappointed. She sadly put on he black and blue scarf and sat at a table with a group of strangers…
Lucky she found her friends Charla, Annie and Meagan at her table! “Hey guys I didn’t know you were witches!”
“Yes we are we just found out this summer” said Meagan. “I cant believe we are in the same house!”
So there was good news after all. They began to head back to there home rooms when Hiei stopped Dally in the hall.
“Listen Dally I want to tell you something” said Hiei “I like you.”
“I like you too Hieie” she said softly.
Then he kissed her and their lips met, like fire.
“Ok ok that’s enough” said a voice. It was Proffessor Umbrudge the defense against dark arts teacher, “Go to your rooms”
“I’ll see you tomorrow” said Hiei and kissed her again
“I SAID ENOUGH GOD DAMMIT” shouted the Proffessor
“Bye!” said Dally
They left and from the darkness two eyes watched. IT was Edward he was mad…

Ok,interesting enough,first off,this first chapter alone left me with questions,and eyesores i'll never get rid of.This mary-sue made my brain hurt.It was missing crucial information as to how she came to be vampire,and witch combined,let alone how she knows Edward Cullen.Second of all,aforementioned characters were so out of character,if she had not mentioned the names of the characters i would have never known it was them.Hiei has been one of my favorite characters for some time now,and it was sad to see him reduced to a persona so unbefitting of him.Hiei is rude,he is quiet,selfish at times,and looks out for nobody but himself,the only exception to this would be Yusuke,Kurama,and Kuwabara,who he had to know for some time before he opened himself up even a little bit,and of course his sister Yukina.He probably wouldn't even want to go to hogwart's,regardless of magic,and only worried about going to the demon plane and getting stronger.So needless to say,he would not be caught dead rolling around a candy cart,unless someone had his sister Yukina at randsom or something of the like (Losing a bet to Kurama,lol.),and Koenma would most likely have taken care of such affairs anyway,had he been forced to go to Hogwarts.Next if Edward had told him to go away Hiei would not have done all but scuff his feet,and go "oh,ok..." like a little lost school-boy,he would have retorted with a rude comment,left,and probably ignored him,and dally for the whole rest of the story.So you get off the train,and go to the great hall to get sorted,ok,that's fine.But then we get hit with this line:
"They sat down at a table coincidentally right next to there friend from the ship Hiei!"
A ship.Were you not just on a train!? It mentions Hiei on the train,nothing of the boat. This made me scratch my head for a bit,but then i moved on to shadow sitting next to Hiei as he introduced himself.Shadow most likely would have sat there,and brooded,rather then introduce himself to you,it would have taken prodding to even get that out of him.Then Edward goes "grr." which made me laugh quite a bit.Something that would have sufficed would have been:
"A growl of anger rose from Edward's throat. "Why are you all talking to Dally?" He said.
Once again,to that,Hiei would have turned his head away,uncaring,and Shadow,who shares similar personality traits,probably would have done that same.
Ok,sorting:
Hiei-Slytherin
Shadow-Slytherin
Edward-Slytherin
Edward in my opinion would not be placed in Slytherin,did the twilight books not say he was compared much to a mountain lion,not a snake? Not only that,but i believe he has proved himself to be brave,and courageous,in the books.He would have been more suited to Griffindor.
Then last,but not least (i guess),Dally,who has the misfortune to be sorted in Ravenclaw,away from her new found "friends",and Edward.Dally's reaction to this? :
"Dally’s face fell off.. she could not believe it!"
Clean up on aisle 3! Another mary-sue is falling apart at the plot-holes! Then she goes to sit at a table full of "strangers".But don't worry,she dosen't suffer for too long,because her randomly placed,and convienent friends are there to cheer her up.Soon after they head to they're rooms,Hiei is waiting for her.He leans into our mary-sure who has bewitched him with her scary OOC author powers,and they somehow,end up kissing.I almost love Dolores Umbridge for descending upon this mocking of an actual love affair,and telling them to break it up,but i do not believe the language she uses would be entirely appropriate in Hogwarts eitheir.The ending to this abominable chapter ends with the scorching eyes of Edward burning in to Dally's head,and oh how i wish he had melted it.