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alright, so... a while ago, Rebecca called and ased if i were going to get online. so i got online, and she said we neede dto talk. about us. i was all ears, and ready to say anything i needed to say, and there she was talking about how we don't tak much anymore. always either she's dealing with s**t and gone, or i am. i told her i agree, we need to do something about that. and just, things wern't going well.. i can't remember what happened after that but i'm sure i told you this much already.

so, a few days ago she and i were on the computer again, talking about this stuff. of course i end up talking to Angel, as i always do when i need help with Rebecca... and somehow it gets to the topic of Rebecca asking me about the hints people keep making about her and i. something we have talked about severel times before and always ended with me not wanting to bother finding out. she gets it out of me again that i don't want to bother. especially not when she alreday has Angel, who has known her for 4 years and is already established, already understands her intuitively like she wants me to. i tell her, "Angel is better. why start over from scratch for me when you have her?" she gets angry.
"YOU HAD A CHANCE"
"...so."
"fine, Angel is better. is that what you wanted to hear?"
and somehow this remined me of my situation with Skuld... she asked again while iw as quiet. "is that what you wanted to hear? you realy arn't going to change your mind?"
i asked her on the spot then, does she want me to be her boyfriend then?

she becomes as stunned as i was. she asks me if i mean it, and i admit i actually don't know, that i'm probably just mistaking my memories for reality.
"well then, that's not right, i'm not Skuld."
"yeah i know.. so why can't i breathe still? well, whatever, may have mor etime to think?"
she tells me to take whatever time i need to figure this out. meanwhile, Angel was freaking out on the other chat and i didn't notice at first. so she starts yelling at me for going behind her back asking her girlfriend out and playing with her emotions...
"oh great, now Angel's mad".
Rebecca gets angry and than says "run. forget it. i've had enough, i want release."

so then later on she calls me and yells at me for not saying anything, and for letting her just walk out of my life. that isn't fair of her. and she keeps acting like this. *sighs.* ... the past few days i have been dealing with her constantly guilt tripping me, and it takes me a couple days to get everything sorted out with Angel... then Rebecca last night wa strying to get angry at me for wanting some time to deal with my emotions.