Change is for the better…
For the longest time, this phrase disgusted me. The very thought of it grinded in my skull like nails on a chalkboard. This is a saying used by optimists, or in my own definition, fools who blind themselves from the truth in order to make a sticky situation seem a little less painful. Yes, I know not all change is bad, but I have yet to experience its positive consequences. Whenever there has been change in my life, it has always been for the worse. For me to say that change is for the better would be an indisputable lie. That’s all it was; that’s all it would ever be…a lie. And what good are lies when all they ever do are hurt people? In all my life, I have never seen one good thing come from them. I’ve seen them tear apart close families, and turn good, respectable people into criminals. So how is lying to yourself any different?
As I sit quietly in the back seat of my parents SUV, staring glumly out the window at fast passing objects, I try my best to grasp that phrase I hate so much. Why? Because when you are forced to pack up all of your belongings and leave the only home you’ve even known; away from all of your memories and people you’ve grown to love, to a place that is unfamiliar and nobody knows you…what else would you be thinking about? My mom had done so well as to assure us all that the move was in the best interest of the family; a change for the better. Somehow, the more she nailed it in our heads, the more doubtful I became.
I am quite sure that there isn’t a thought in the world that could revive me from this pseudo-dead slump. My insides are sreaming. The thought that this place would be better than I expected; the thought that by some rare chance I might grow to love my new home, does not strike me as possible. I will hate this place. I will hate it because it is not my home. It will never be my home. My home was left behind, and now there are miles between us.
Although I’m not quite sure why, I know that things will only get worse. The move is only the beginning. As we drive farther away from home, I know that I would never see it again. I would never go back.
 The Midnight Lotus · Sun Jul 12, 2009 @ 03:17am · 0 Comments |
