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Again another journal entry for the non gaian player Kaliera. She may never read this but I post it here to keep from hurting her. My heart would explode if I kept everything in.

I love you. Plainly put. You keep pushing me away and yet for some stupid a** reason Im still wanting to be more to you. Every time its somone new, I don't mind, Maybe one day it will be me. You got upset because I said I loved someone more than anything. Nice.

In the end it seems like no matter what I do, no matter what the intent, I am always in the wrong. Regardless of what I give up to make you happy, you would rather be angry at me it seems.

One day I hope you understand that I love you...

And as for the reason as why I don't talk. What is there to say?

I feel like you want me for your emotional punching bag sometimes, like your little pick me up when your relationship falls apart.

The moment I mention that you get defensive blaming me again.


So if I indeed am at fault. Then please forgive me.

A marvelous dream turned nightmare, finding heaven and falling back to earth.