Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

crying crying crying omg i cant stop ******** crying ever since Lemar moved s**t hasnt been the same in the village. even though he still comes to visit alot, i thought that i still had justin and edward i love lemar justin edward like they are my ******** family, my ******** blood and now the only real one i got is lemar. and even if they are still my real friends, lemar is the only one that has always shown it no matter what. i try my best not to get mad at justin because we been thru so much and he like my ******** brother and i thought he would never be petty as malcome or as edward starting to be. but now its like he just forgot i ******** exist, like i didnt know him for a long a** time. and edward,. thats my son, i do so much for him, and as much as i get mad at him, i can never stay mad at him. he has never really done anything for me, i mean he has, but nothing that can compare to what i have done for him. i love him like my son. and its so ******** irritatiin when your two best friends start actin petty and s**t and its ******** up cuz justin not even like that for real. i dont know about edward, but justin not really like that. but it ******** hurts when you get pushed to the side by your best friends and they the only ones i really got which is why i can never stay mad at them, cuz if i lose them, i dont have anyone. i will always have lemar i know that, but he not even around here. i dont wanna lose my best friends. but they have no idea how bad they have hurt me. im over here crying i havent cried like this ever since my last boyfriend broke up with me this shits depressing i never thought i would cry over a two niggas that i love so much but not as lovers but as friends. i love lemar justin and edward and i would do anything for them because they my family. flat out. ******** the friend thing they my ******** family but my family hurt me so badly and its ******** up that they dont even know it. its like they dont even like me anymore. i could see why malcome was actin like that because i think i did say something that hurt him because i was like malcome i dont even like you and then i was thinking afterwards and im like i shouldnt have said that cuz even though me and malcome do be beefin alot, he still can be cool as s**t. i mean, we was beefin for the longest time, well no i dont think it was that long, but it got to the point where we was about to fight and a few days later when we was all playing cuz we all just sort of forgot about it and he was like see when we not fightin we be havin hella fun and im like you know what malcome your right. i tried apologizing to malcome when i said that i didnt even like him but i think it really hurt him and thats kinda ******** up how i put him on blast like that. i mean, yeah he can be annoying at times, but for real, he is cool as s**t. i had been wanting to fight malcome for the longest time but now im like why cant we just put our differences aside and be cool. we both are best friends with edward and justin so we have no choice but to be around eachother. i wanna try to really talk to malcome so we can put this petty s**t behind us. and as for edward, he been forgetting to come back and get me a whole ******** lot latley and like every time justin was with him and i dont know how to react to that because i always tell myself that justin would never do something like that to me but he and edward ******** ditched me i always somehow comeup with an excuse as to why i should not be mad at justin but maybe the problem is that im not mad at him enough i dont express my anger to him enough. but ive never cried over justin edward or lemar because i never thought i would lose them. but i guess i was wrong. i just hope that justin and edward knows that they made the one friend that loves them the most cry. that they ******** crushed my soul. nothing hurts more then losing a friend. at least i know that i still have lemar. i hope that never changes. crying crying crying crying crying crying crying
<img src="http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii163/redpanther93/th_Lemar2.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" ><img src="http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii163/redpanther93/th_jusned.jpg" border="0" alt="justin n edward2" ><img src="http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii163/redpanther93/th_Malcome.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" ><img src="http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii163/redpanther93/th_sad2.jpg" border="0" alt="sad" >