Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

4/23/09 7:40 pm http://s.gaiaonline.com/images/Gaia_Flash/hangout/prom.swf?g=prom&ip=72.5.72.175&roomName=PROM_1_ROOM_1&xpos=300&ypos=414

4/16/09 10:21 Pm: I just need to die. As if my last post meant nothing, my love is shot down. I can't see why she doesn't love me as much because I was gone...I understand she missed me and was alone, but to actually consider calling the wedding off....even after she tells me she would love me no matter what. I'm writing this with soaked eyes, not able to sleep. Her words were full of lies. I was stupid, I let my guard down, I trusted her and let her in and loved her, and now she hurt me. I'm going to overdose or something....I just don't wanna live. It stings........it stings to think that after all that crap, after trusting her and believing she loved me with all her heart even through all the insanity I've been through, that she, of all people, would backstab me. I never expected this from her. So, good one Sarah, you got me.... you got me......I hope all of you die, but not you Sarah, even after your heartbreaking words, I just want you to live a happy life and find someone nice, I love you...and yeah you probally don't want to hear it anymore so.......I think going to kill myself....

4/13/09 8:37 pm: And as if it never happened, my day of insanity seemed slightly less insane, I feel more... Connected with this world, and as I write this with an iPhone laying on the floor of my closet, I smile, sure things didn't go as planned. The wedding was postponed, leaving Sarah upset, and yet I'm happy. I'm happy to know that no matter what, I will share a bond with her that, even through tough times, remains unbroken. Now for the line I've overused one to many: I love her.


4/13/09 6:47 pm: Got up at 4 in the morning, couldn't sleep, spent some time planning wedding. Tired ._.

4/12/09 8:49 pm: Signing off, going to try and get some sleep. Goodnight Gaia

4/12/09 8:18 pm: I left towns, with Sarah still there. I don't know why I left.... it was a while ago, and she still hasn't contacted me. I don't think I should take it as rejection or neglect. I just think she doesn't know what to do.... I wish things could be normal, but I don't know what's wrong with me... Why am I like this? Have I slipped out of reality? Am I insane? Why do I continue to write in this godforsaken journal? Why? Will anyone even read this? I like to think of these as my final memories put on Gaia, but I don't know, Should I send this to my friends? Would they even read it, or have they forgotten and lost interest. I feel as though I am withered and dying, I can barely feel my emotions anymore, what's wrong with me? Have I cracked? The only thing I seem to want to think about is....well, Sarah. Sometimes I don't think about her in a love sort of way, but as a stranger. Yet, she loves me, she has never stopped loving me, I wish she knew that I feel the same way about her. I struggle to a conclusion as to why things arn't the same between us, I want her to be happy, I want me to be happy to, but it seems only one of us can be happy...If only I were the same.
I love her, I want to be with her. I feel more out of touch with her, and everytime I try to be with her, she's busy.. Is it rejection? Or coincidence?



4/12/09 8:12 pm: For some reason, I keep writing into this stupid journal, like someone is going to read it and actually care. I suppose I should stop, but alas, I feel compelled to write and let people know even if they don't care. Feeling even more lifeless, why can't someone help me? Am I slipping into a dark lonely abyss? Am I gone forever? Do I even exsist? I feel as though my mind is slipping out of touch with reality. Why would god do this to his creations? Does he just let us loose like wild behemoths and sit back and laugh on his pedastle as we struggle in life? Is he really the god all the made up bibles portray him to be? Or is he a cruel b*****d who loves our pain? Does he even exsist?


4/12/09 8:06 pm: Acting normal to anyone who contacts me, but so bland and lifeless on the inside. Not many people talk to me anymore, seems as though they've all outgrown me? Is this how Jakaren ends? Alone?


4/12/09 8:06 pm: Hardly any contact with anyone, feeling like an outsider, a stranger to this world, I need help....



4/12/09 8:05 pm: So bland and tasteless, why do I stay here? I suppose my conscience should be guiding me, but somehow I feel that it has abandoned me, like everyone else.


4/12/09 7:50 pm Reality, in everyday usage, means "the state of things as they actually exist". In a sense it is what is real. [1] The term reality, in its widest sense, includes everything that is, whether or not it is observable or comprehensible. Reality in this sense includes being and sometimes is considered to include nothingness, where existence is often restricted to being (compare with nature).

In the strict sense of western philosophy, there are levels or gradation to the nature and conception of reality. These levels include, from the most subjective to the most rigorous: phenomenological reality, truth, fact, and axiom.

The term truth has no single definition about which a majority of professional philosophers and scholars agree, and various theories of truth continue to be debated. Metaphysical objectivism holds that truths are independent of our beliefs; except for propositions that are actually about our beliefs or sensations, what is true or false is independent of what we think is true or false. According to some trends in philosophy, such as postmodernism/post-structuralism, truth is subjective. When two or more individuals agree upon the interpretation and experience of a particular event, a consensus about an event and its experience begins to be formed. This being common to a few individuals or a larger group, then becomes the 'truth' as seen and agreed upon by a certain set of people — the consensus reality. Thus one particular group may have a certain set of agreed truths, while another group might have a different set of consensual 'truths'. This lets different communities and societies have varied and extremely different notions of reality and truth of the external world. The religion and beliefs of people or communities are a fine example of this level of socially constructed 'reality'. Truth cannot simply be considered truth if one speaks and another hears because individual bias and fallibility challenge the idea that certainty or objectivity are easily grasped. For Anti-realists, the inaccessibility of any final, objective truth means that there is no truth beyond the socially-accepted consensus. (Although this means there are truths, not truth).

For realists, the world is a set of definite facts, which exist independently of human perceptions ("The world is all that is the case" — Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus), and these facts are the final arbiter of truth. Michael Dummett expresses this in terms of the principle of bivalence[2]: Lady Macbeth had three children or she did not; a tree falls or it does not. A statement will be true if it corresponds to these facts — even if the correspondence cannot be established. Thus the dispute between the realist and anti-realist conception of truth hinges on reactions to the epistemic accessibility (knowability, graspability) of facts.