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This is a story I've been writing for a while. Here's the first chapter. Feel free to critique it.

All Black. I can’t see anything. I can’t move. Where am I? Why am I here? Is this death? Dead silence.
A voice. The sound of a thousand dying souls. “Hello Rachel. I’ve been waiting for you.”
I try to scream, but I can’t get an air. Is there even air in here? Why can’t I speak?
Who are you? I ask in my mind. He dodged the question. “Many people want to know who I am. If you tell them, I will kill your loved ones. Slow, painful deaths starting with your beloved Tyler.”
No! I scream in my mind. I don’t know what I would do without Tyler. He means the world to me.
“Yes. Never speak of this to anyone. You know the consequence.” Then, the voice faded away.
Pain slowly rips through me. like I’m being burned alive… beep beep beep. Thank god it was just a dream, no more like a nightmare. Why does this evil voice keep coming back to me.
I do a quick check. Can I see? Check. Can I move my legs? Check. Breath? Check. Locket? Check. Is Tyler okay? Tyler! I better call him just to make sure...
“Tyler!” I screamed in the phone, obviously waking him up if he wasn‘t already.
“What what!?” he yelled back.
“I’m so happy your okay.”
“What? What happened?”
“I heard, err had a nightmare.” I almost told him after the threat I heard.
“Rachel, Are you okay? You seem pretty shaken up.”
“Yeah. Sorry. I’m just super stressed with exams and the prom and school work and everything else going on. Sorry, I’ll see you at school.” I hung up, knowing talking anymore would make me blurt out all the details of the threat. I knew the consequences and whether or not they would happen, I couldn’t tell anybody.